Consistenly Inconsistent

As I make another attempt to numb my senses by blending alchohol with blood, I realize I'm at a battle constantly . A battle wherein right or wrong is rather blurred. A battle where weakness can be strength and defeat can be victory. It seems , as if, I contain  personalities which happen to be in utter contradiction with each other. I want to run as fast as I can and chase my dreams as quick as I can but I also want to pause and relax. I do feel guilt for I bullied another peer but it's his fault that he's weak and he should've fought back like I did in somewhat similar scenario. I like to consider myself as a knowledgeable man but I do believe in Socrates and hence the phrase, "All I know is that I know nothing". There are endless conflicts,alterations, and arguments going on as I'm writing this. So how can I act in the right manner when in my head  the line separating deed from misdeed is a slippery slope. How am I supposed to channelise my energy into the right direction when the compass is broken. How am I supposed to conquer the world when I can't  conquer myself ?