so its been a while since we had an actual talk. I know I should apologise for hurting you both emotionally and physically. I never, never did something that could make you truly happy/ I disappointed you a lot of times, and it seems as if this disappointment is going to chase both of us forever. things doesn't seem to be fine, you don't seem to be fine. I want to tell you that everything is going to be okay very soon, you are going to be truly happy. (i guess)
I am ashamed of myself, for not earning good and positive people for you who would genuinely care. I am really sorry, for not getting you friends that you want,but let me tell you something, you are soon going to find a bunch of people, the kind of people you crave for. but let me tell you one more thing, the kind of people you have in your life right now, love you immensely, and i love them too. so stop overthinking, you deserve to be happy, and you will be. i believe in you, and your hardwork. you will achieve great things in life. I know I'll never be able to relive our school life and earn the kind of school friends that everyone has, or earn the kind of scores you wanted, or be a beautiful person who has no insecurity about herself, for you. I knew this letter is going to be full of sorries, but soon, I guess, these will turn into thank yous.
maybe, I just overthink. but one thing after another just proves everything. i feel heartbroken and betrayed and feel guilty for not actually being a good person. we really need to work very hard, maybe we are just not good enough for people. whatever, i guess I'll stop talking about people now. I still don't truly love you to be honest, it will take time, i need time, but i promise, one day I'll be truly in love with you, and we'll find someone who'll figure that out. for now, i just want you to cheer up, don't overthink, at least you have family who'll care if something happens to you, so please don't ever go back to hurting yourself. I know these suicidal thoughts have been haunting both of us, but, i am so proud of you, for not quitting. you will not quit, we will not quite. we have to achieve so much, and just for few dramas, you think we're going to give up? No, not at all. smile, smile more as you used to do, I know you always feel sad nowadays, you feel like jumping in front of the train, you feel like to jump off the 9th floor building everyday you go to, and all those stupid thoughts, just delete them. and try to be happy in your own world for now.
we both know, that for now, we have to work hard and keep our emotions aside. you will find true love later, true love of friendship and care. you will eventually have people who will come into your life and will never leave. trust me, this will happen. just be patient, and trust the process. and now just stop scrolling, and go and study. we have to get into the best thing, so just stop thinking about these things, and go, you are going to regret wasting your time being sad and crying, go back to being the happy and pretty soul you are. trust the universe, universe loves you.