"Are you effing ready you Gorilla?!!?"
'Ha ha.' I replied sarcastically. 'Dude just come up with something new. You only stick to the ape family.
"I don't care, Carla, you better come. I am not going to deal with a going-to-be-a-drunk-Carla-obsessed Ben, okay?"
'You're a life saver.' I spoke quickly.
"Don't you dare hang up on me! You are coming to his house for the party! Dude you're an hour late! I didn't chalk you up as a girl who is fashionably late on purpose!!"
'Geez Bhash!' I exclaimed. She was losing it. 'Chill. I'm not feeling well.' I could almost imagine her arching an eyebrow at this.
"Oh yeah? You don't sound unwell. What is the matter Carla? You don't sound like yourself nowadays...."
I immediately sat straight backed. I'd never imagined her as a person to think too deeply. But then again, she'd always been sensitive without showing it. She did have a depth about her. Yes, I'd been regretting my choice of friends. But never her. She'd been genuine all along.
But that didn't mean I was going to cough up my whole pathetic life story to her.
'I'm fine.' I lied. I was betting she was raising both her eyebrows now. 'Just don't feel like coming up till there.'
"You can drive dude." She pointed out. Ah yes, I might have forgone that little detail. Except I had a drivers license. Funny. I might be using my sister's license and I might be passing off as an 18 year old now and then. Not that it hurt really.
"Hellooo? You there. I want you here now. Gosh these people are driving me nuts- DO NOT TOUCH THAT VASE YOU GOON!! 'God , where's Ben when you need him in his own house? Carla. I swear I need you here."
I chuckled a bit. It felt so good to be wanted in times of distress, I rolled my eyes.
'Fine.' I said. She squealed on the phone as I cut the line, rolling my eyes again, this time at the screen. Stupid girl, I thought kindly. She really was a life saver.
I sighed once again. I definitely knew the real reason why I didn't want to go, and it definitely want because I wasn't feeling well.
It wasn't as if I was much of a party person anyway though. But I had a reputation. And I did drink now and then. Okay, just twice. The first time I'd been dared. And the second time, was a distraction- a badly needed distraction.
I wasn't exactly proud of both these moments. But they'd helped and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I sighed, got up and got into a dress. Black, because it was the only color that accepted me. It had no rules, no decree. It was endless. It was beautiful.
It was kind of depressing too.
I went up to the mirror and slipped on a pair of heels. Not too long, not too short. Black as well. The dress came up to my knees and hugged my body's shape. It was strapless, with a touch of silver. It really was beautiful.
I combed my hair down and applied a touch of kohl to my eyes. It brought out the grey in my eyes. I put in a pierced a pair of earrings into my ear lobes, silver and dangling. I didn't need any other makeup for me.
Simplicity was my thing. Simple and elegant.
I paused for a minute when I was done and inspected myself in the mirror. It wasn't that I wasn't beautiful. I had a lean body, a good height, full features. My hair came down to a bit above my waist. It was bronze colored.
But nothing about me was soft. I refused to be called that. Maybe that is why I never dated. Or disliked these soft and pretty feminine outfits.
It's perfect!!
Isn't it? I love it too!! Its going to look so good on you, Cal!
I know, I know Amy! One day I'm going to be a princess and live in a house and be rich, and I am going to buy a pretty dress everyday. You'll be there for me won't you?
You're my little princess, Cal. I'm always going to be with you. Whether you want it or not.
Laughter. Then the screams....
I sighed. It was a bitter memory. Whether I liked it or not she did stick by me. And I definitely hated it. Hated it till the end.
Soft was definitely not a word to describe me.
Those initial years when I'd joined school, I looked forward to proposals. A lot of guys did. They never disappointed me. I was finally happy after Mom died.
Then that day, it all started. The verbal abuse. The pent up anger. The frustration. Those split knuckles and bruised body parts which got me food deprived. I stopped believing in dresses. Or happiness. Or guys for that matter. Princesses were a joke now. A cruel joke. There were no princesses in real life.
They only existed in haunting nightmares.
So, I thew out all the dresses after that car accident. I abandoned all traces of any family I once owned. I used Amy's passport, license, any other medical documents and burned mine. I was lucky not to be put in prison.
Cal had died. Someone else had come up. A person no one wanted to argue with. A person who beat the shit out of people. Who had dangerous friends. Who never looked at guys romantically. Who was dangerous and a bully.
And I embraced it...I embraced all I it. It helped me.
Then I uses the wonders of makeup and dresses to get my way. Ben wasn't the only guy with an infatuation. I could sleep with half of the school and they would boast about it the next day just to make a point to the others. I was a person who was feared and wanted.
So why didn't I want to go?
You know why. My mind cooed. You just want him to make an appearance.
Maybe. I thought. But maybe I was happy, he saw me for what I was. Maybe I was happy for the challenge.
You're right- I am right. I always am, my mind whispered.
I looked at myself for another moment and pushed the thought away, as I got the car keys and for into my car.
You're wrong, I lied to my own mind as I drove away.
--- --- ---
I swerved into Bens houses parking lot and sure enough you could practically smell the place from a fair mile away. I shook my head. His parents must be a wonder to let him continue this. At least, I could count on the parties at Bhash's house to be always mostly sober.
But the parties at Ben's house....it usually depended to the persons point of view. To the majority, it was a paradise. To me, it was nothing, and it meant nothing.
As soon as I entered through the door; not knocking, that would be an insult; I heard a scream. I turned a full 360° until I found the source and rolled my eyes.
Bhash ran to me, practically tripping on the people here and there. Well, on the bright side, she was sober. She didn't drink that much anyway. "Reflection" indeed.
'Oh my God.' She said, panting a bit. 'You came!'
I raised an eyebrow. 'Was I allowed to stay at home then?'
She laughed, linking her arms through mine, the only one who could, and winked at a passing guy who was staring at me.
'No.' She laughed again. 'But it's the thought that counts.'
'Of course, mom.' I said sarcastically. She playfully smacked my arm.
'I thought you hated mom jokes!' She exclaimed. I grinned at her.
'Yeah.' I said. 'But it's the thought that counts.'
'Ugh.' She said. Although I knew she was only half serious. 'You always get me at it.'
'I'm Carla after all.' I mused.
'Ah yessss.' She smirked. 'The greatest, the one and only the biggest, baddest shit eate-'
'Hey.' I scowled. 'No shit.' She chuckled at the words. Before she could say anything though, she was spared by a very drunk, very drooping, Ben.
'Carla!' He exclaimed. Also, a very shirtless Ben.
Me and Bhash exchanged looks. Was I supposed to make my way to him? What was he expecting, getting drunk would make me? Not in the world. Never.
'Come on here! We're having a dance competition!' He yelled. I was fairly sure, all the others were hearing this by that point.
I entangled my arm from Bhash's and placed them in my hips.
'Dance competition?' I asked. My temper was getting the better of me. How dare he?
'Yeah.' He yelled. 'Its gonna be fun! Come on!'
'What makes you think I'll come join?' I asked slowly.
'Oh God.' He said, slapping his forehead with his palm. I had a feeling this was expected and he had been thinking of what to say for a long time. Because Ben never spoke so clearly even when he was sober. He was all few words and the shortest sentences.
'You always back out of everything.' He complained. 'You never take risks.'
'Uh huh.' I replied. I think Bhash coughed and that is when I noticed how loud the sound was. The house was silent. Watching the show.
We're not animals who fight. But we do exactly that.
'Me?' I asked. I ignored Bhash's warning. 'I never back out of anything, Ben. I'm the one who fights. I think you're forgetting that.'
I hoped it sounded like the warning I meant it to be. Ben wasn't very strong. Just stronger than the average. Like me. I could take him. Lessons needed to be reminded now and then.
I'm not soft. A lesson I kept learning everyday.
'Fights?' Ben scoffed. A few people gasped. Damn right. He just questioned me. Son of a bitch. 'I'm the one who fights, Carla. I fight your wars. I fight people who question you. I make them bleed. I do a that dirty work and you don't. All because you can't even stomach it.'
How dare he.
'I don't think you have the average brains to communicate Benny.' I smirked. That's what his mom called him. 'Don't forget who I am.' I was effing saying it as clear as day. Don't mess with me or else...
His face scrunched up for a moment. Then to my utmost surprise and unease, he laughed. Loudly. I think a few people we're already placing bets on who would raise the fist to injure first.
'Oh yeah?' He said, wiping away a false tear. He couldn't have incensed me farther. 'I bet you're scared now, Carla. Mommy and Daddy can't help you can they. They never do, do they?'
I froze. What the- did he know my secret? No it couldn't be. I had hid it well. Too well. I bet it was just a guess. Or he might be just thinking my parents never bothered to check on their child or something.
Bhash was looking uncomfortably at me. I ignored her. Again.
'I wouldn't call beating up little, weak pathetic children very brave either, Cantler.' I said using his title. 'They fall on their asses a hundred times a day, and you just make them do it harder. Who's scared now? Scared that someone strong might actually beat you up?'
Bullying isn't the solution. I swear I had heard his voice echoing in my head that very moment.
You're still capable of being saved. Was I?
This was the the start of something, I realized. Something big. And it could actually end up in a bloody, and long fight. Not what I wanted.
'I did it all for you, I saved your ass a bunch of times and this is what you come up with, you-'
'Shut your trap.' I said, in that dangerous voice I so rarely used. Then I turned on my heels and walked out.
'Coward.' He yelled after me. No one made a sound. This would be out in the next five seconds. Social media did it all.
I slammed the door shut as loudly, as I could have.
My footsteps to my car were harried, yet my mind was calm and my face was peaceful. It was one in the morning and the roads were empty except for some trucks which ran in the night. I got in the car and turned on the engine. The noise was loud enough.
'Carla- wait!' I heard Bhash about from behind. I didn't wait though.
'See you tomorrow.' I said flatly. 'I might call you when I reach home.' Or not. Or never.
'Carla-' but the rest was cut out as I drove right past her. The gates were open. Strange. That was until, I noticed the figure standing there in a casual sweatshirt and jeans. He was staring wide eyed at me. I could have recognized those eyes anywhere.
But I didn't have time for Adriano, and I drove past him too, although he remained silent, unlike Bhash, who was still screaming her head off.
Once I reached the highway, I revved my car once and increased the speed, until I couldn't tell how much it was. I glanced down at the speedometer and it didn't hurt my conscience even once that I was beyond a 100 kmph. The road was empty anyway. It hardly made a difference.
When I was about two miles away from his house, I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could, and I let out all of the frustration, knowing all too well that it would never go. Tears blurred my vision and I saw spots as I drove faster and into the middle of the road.
All those years, nothing, it made no difference. It meant nothing. I had worked so hard. I had-
Lights flared in my hazed vision and spots danced in front of my eyes. I squinted them as a horn screeched repeatedly. Someone was shouting but I couldn't hear it over the pounding in my ears.
But I couldn't stop, or brake because I was advancing too dangerously and quickly. A truck ,a damn truck. I should have known.
What an idiot, I murmured.My car slammed into the exterior and blinding light everywhere.
But all I thought was-
You just followed the family's traditional way of dying, Carla.
©AkshayaGadre