'You're freaking me out.'
'I am not.'
'Carla.......'
'Shut up, okay?'I snapped. 'I don't want to talk about it.'
'Then asking me to give you a lift wasn't the wisest decision.'
'It wasn't necessary to agree.' I said , even though I knew that it was unfair on my side. But I was sweating with palpitation and he was the only viable, option available. I didn't want any of the other two to know- Bhash and Ben.
'Then should I drop you here right now?' He asked raising an eyebrow. We were in ten, and he was already driving. I wasn't sure if he had the legal permission yet. Or a drivers license for that matter.
But who was I to complain? I needed to go home and vomit. Really vomit. But at least the tightness was going. Slowly.
He was laughing. Adriano.
'It's not funny.' I hissed. 'It's not fair for you to laugh at such-'
'But it's totally fine for you to bully others when you don't like them?' His words had me automatically shut my mouth. He was right. But my pride wouldn't let me agree. I was proud and always a bit of an egoistic person.
'So?' He pressed on. 'You do bully people don't you? It makes me wonder- What if I was that little stupid boy you saw that day....what would have happened to me?' Bad things. Terrible things.
'Clearly I was an easy target any day.'
His words had me reminding myself that he was not the person I thought he was. He was a boy who couldn't be read and with an ever changing personality. Unreliable. And could read minds easily as well as faces.
'Why the silence? You're afraid that I'm right? That I'm not what I seem? Weak and undefended?'
I gulped. I wanted to say something harsh but my throat was stuck. My lips wouldn't budge. Wouldn't move.
I hated him. From the very first moment I saw what he was I hated him. But he was my ally now I supposed. I was the one who had suggested it after all. He could be my opponent after I had taught the sneaky,two faced bastard who had sneaked behind my back and given me away. Then I could fight him.
Till then.....
I would try to read him.
A small part of myself was mocking me at this. Laughing at me, almost saying...
Good luck.
Silence followed. We both couldn't let go of our own personalities. It was our pride and our flaw. This much I could understand at least.
A pregnant pause and then he took a breath. I could tell he wanted to ask me something but couldn't. Or wouldn't.
Eventually I had to ask.
'What?'
'I won't want to invade your privacy or something.' He said hurriedly. 'But don't mind me asking this.... What made you lose your mind like that, there?' His question had me confused.
Why suddenly show concern. It was clear from the beginning that he wanted nothing to do with me, nor I with him. Then why ask? What was he trying to prove? What did he want me to believe he was? And most importantly......
What was he?
'You're confused.' Adriano frowned. 'You don't think I'm actually saying the truth or am curious?'
A shiver went down my spine. How much more time would I have to spend in this infernal car of his as he easily read me? Finally I wasn't able to stop myself. The frown on his face was just too unbearable.
'I don't understand!' I exclaimed. 'I don't get you. Is my face that plain, that readable that you just seem to say whatever I'm thinking? Huh?'
He pursed his lips.
'I mean.' I continued. 'You're so strange half of the time and the other half you're like a lock without a key or something. Why ask? Why ask me stuff I'm not willing to say? Why pretend to want to know me when you early want nothing to do with me?'
He brought the car to a halt with a screech along the road, barely missing the footpath. I sucked in a breath.
'What I don't understand about you is why you're so unwilling to trust people or are hell bent on being this unreadable blank girl? Does it bother you that I want nothing to do with you huh?'
I flinched. I wanted him to stop. Now.
'Why not say anything now? Why does it bother you that I'm so unreadable? Why can't I be huh? Clearly you can. And as if you want anything to do with me.'
Red. I could see red again. This wasn't going well. Suddenly I didn't care if we were supposed to be allies. I just wanted to hurt him. As badly as he was hurting me now.
'Shut up you bloody brat.' I said, my voice rosing with every second. 'I hate you. I hate you with my whole heart and I don't care if we have to work together or something, or if you're a prefect but I hope you have the worst moments in your life all cloistered together. Then you'll get a taste of what hardship feels.'
'You want to talk about hardship?' He snarled. 'What about me? What if I was the stupid, vulnerable guy that day who was almost about to get beaten by you?'
He was yelling now. Good. I wanted a fight. Something physical. Something that would smart and leave marks. Or scars. My hands itched for it.
'And what about me?' I shouted. 'What about what I go through. What does anyone know what I feel about all of this?' Blood was pounding in my ears. I couldn't see anything except red.
'I don't care!' He yelled. 'I don't care. You deserve the deception. You deserve to be locked into a room so that you know how it feels. How betrayal feels!'
And I flinched harder. He saw. He noticed. This time he had gone too far. He'd used my weakness against me like that and had gone too far.
The blood pounding in my ears ceased. The redness receded. His words were suddenly like a knife to my gut, slowly twisting. Slowly going in and then drawing out. I took in a ragged breath.
It was dark outside. Funny how time passes. But I didn't care. I needed to be alone. I needed to get rid of him. I didn't care where I was. I'd find my own way out. I just needed time.
He had hit too deep. And I hated him for it. For all of it.
'Bye.' I said. I was surprised by how my own voice was so calm and composed even after this. This.
'I'll get out now. And I'm sure I can find my own way home.'
He stopped me. His hands locked on my wrist with a surprisingly strong grip. I felt revulsion and hatred everywhere. How much did he hide? How much did he conceal?
But I pushed him away. I couldn't let him see any future tears. Because all I felt was a hollow emptiness now.
'Get away from me.' I shouted.
Everything was blurry. He had seen. He had initiated it.
'Car-'
'Shut up and get away from me. You coward!'
I pushed open the door and slammed it shut on his face. I was wrong. It was just dusk now. A few minutes before it was truly going to turn dark. Then I would be lost. I wonder where I was.
The road was long and straight with trees on both sides. It was like a jungle. I couldn't even see a sign or a shop anywhere.
Suddenly I wished that this boy was innocent and petty from that day at the installation ceremony. I wished he wasn't this person that I would learn to hate. Or want. Or think about as anything to me. That mattered to me.
I furiously blinked back the tears that now flowed on my face so freely. Ashamed. I should be ashamed. Of these tears.
His car was behind me. Without the headlights. He was indeed behind me and I suddenly realized that I had walked on, so hard that I left him behind while his car was halted.
He wouldn't leave me and I needed peace. Both were quite impossible right now.
Like my life being peaceful for one single damned second.
So I kept walking into the unknown and through it all I felt him slowly following me. Throughout.
(I will continue......)
©AkshayaGadre