echo

"but you really don't like him,  eh?"

"why do you keep on asking me that?" I rolled my eyes on my friend. A little bit of eyebrow scrunching and a disgusted smile does the trick. She asked me the same question for about ten times already; on our way home, to grocery, on drinking games, when we're about to sleep, or when we're studying. Every time the topic is brought up, i would feel a leap on my heart-something i always force myself to not notice- a little warmth and some oozy butterflies on my stomach. And every single time, I would furrow my eyebrows, smile an awkward smile and call her crazy for asking me that.

It has been a very long time since I last wrote about love, about crushes, admiration, confessions and butterflies. It seemed too distant, too unfamiliar for me to write about it. But here I am now, slouched on my bed, typing these words- thrilled, with a smile on my face. 

But do I really like this person, I ask myself. I am sure that I do. I always know when I like someone and I am not really into hiding the fact. What makes this guy different, then? What makes this time different from among the previous ones?

This time, I found myself asking if I am allowed to like this person. If I were my old self, i would worry about him not liking me back. Funny how this time, I am not worried about that at all. I am rather thinking about the troubles I may cause this person in case i actually end up liking him. For I know, he will become my muse. He will become my pieces, my words, my story. And I don't think that would be a good thing for him. It would rather be very unfair. So I look back. I would think twice whenever asked if i like him. I would really love to say yes, but my heart would wretch that I always end up putting on a little smile, furrowed eyebrows and saying the word "crazy" instead of "yes".