When you told me one time,
"you're always eating everytime I see you,"
I didn't just hold my breath and drop my food.
I went to the nearest bathroom and tried
to pour out all the food I ate that day.
That night, the anxiety kicked in I didn't had the appetite to eat again - at least with you at the table. I slumped on my bed thinking about
all the time I punish myself by starving for something I've done wrong.
Everytime I skip reviewing for my quizzes, I skip my meals too.
How I never eat days before exam because I wasn't doing my best to even care to pass the exam.
Everytime I have petty quarrel with my sister I refuse to eat with her and just go straight to my bed and pretend I sleep early - although I never sleep early. (You have no idea how hard it is to sleep when your head is swimming with thoughts of every little thing in this world.)
Everytime I get too embarrassed to eat because I have a tight budge my cousin has to buy the food for the night.
Everytime my mother guilt-lectures me for being insensitive to my younger brother. But I was too insensitive to myself too I wasn't aware I was doing it to others so I just
swallow my guilt and pretend I'm full for days and eat very little at nights.
When you asked me "why do we always eat everytime we see each other,"
that was because it's the only time
I allow myself to eat enough because I feel comfortable with you.
But when you told me those,
I have nothing left of anyone to eat with,
comfortably.