Finally, I'm Letting Myself Free

This time, I choose to live with an unbroken heart.

I promise you, I will no longer send you messages and you will no longer be bothered. Asking you how your day was will now be gone from my daily routine. You will not be annoyed every time your phone rings. I assure you, I will not be the one calling you by that time. The stars in the sky will no longer hate me for wishing the same impossible thing for nine years. This time, they won't hear me whisper your name. I guess you've also wished upon them —to stop me from chasing you. Luckily, they've already listened to you. Perhaps, by that, they will start to love me, giving me more light at night from now on.

This time, I choose to love myself more.

I will no longer be forced to wear uncomfortable dresses — thing I used to do to impress you. I can wear over-sized shirts now without having to think what your reaction might be. Your opinion will not matter anymore. I will no longer play your favorite songs from the playlist you made. My pillows will no longer be full of tears and they won't hear me cry again at night. From now on, I will hug them tight without wishing it was you instead.

Mornings will now be filled with coffee and bread. Sunrise, after all, wasn't meant for vodka and the like. No more sad thoughts in the midst of the day. My friends will no longer hear your name again and again. And finally, you will no longer play the lead role on my writings.

Everything will change because from now on, I am choosing to live with an unbroken heart. Every shattered piece of it will now go back to its original places; tougher than before.

This time, I want you to see the aftermath.

Years from now, our paths will cross again no matter how much I don't want to. We will bump into each other's arms; maybe along the sidewalk, or in a café, or in a bookstore, or in a church, doesn't matter where anyway. You will be shocked about how well I looked with an over-sized shirt you used to hate. I'll give you a big smile and you'll give me a puzzled one. On that day, I promise you, things will be reversed. You will ask me how I'm doin' and I will tell you how good my life is since the time I decided to cut you off from my life. You will tell me how sorry you are for hurting me. You will shed a tear and I'll tap your shoulder. I will tell you I don't mind. You will be asking for another chance and I will give you a good laugh. I will walk away right then without asking for your explanation. I assure you, not a single tear will fall from my eyes.

But deep inside my chest, I want you to tell me that you missed me. You missed all the phone calls you used to reject. You missed reading all the poems I used to write about you. I want you to tell me that you remembered me when you were on your way home, or when you were reading a book, or watching a movie. I want you to need me the way I used to need you.

But those things will never happen. Feelings, more often, aren't reciprocated. You made me feel that even if I cry a river, you will never feel the same way as I do. And I have to end it here — no more crying, waiting, and wishing.

For now, I bid you goodbye. I'm letting you go and I'm letting myself free.

See you when fate plays around us again. And on that day, I promise you, I no longer live with a broken heart.