For my old heart

My heart. My weak heart.

I still remembered those days where I feel so complete. Where I've already felt my heaven. But still, I just thought. Those feelings were just fake expectations.
My own heart! I'm still sorry for what I've caused you. For the scars, the damage that I brought. For making you so hopeless. Broken and torn apart. Believe me, I'd never meant. I'd never meant to fall in love with him. Cos who'll not be? Who'll not be fall in love with her best friend.
Him.  The one who brought so much gladness in me and making me feel so pretty perfect.

Sometimes, I do believe that it's not really on those days, weeks, months, and years that you've been, but it's in the loyalty and trust, that mostly matter.

We've been the best of friends for goddamn 6 years. Imagine. 1.2.3.4.5.6. years of being together. Sharing one's life stories. Being caught up in those happy dramatic life of us. You'd made me. Smiled. Cried. Laughed. And I also did the same. That time, I'd really thought that you're the one. That you'll be the one who'll be with me until the very end. Cos I'd never doubt our 6 years of friendship.
Hell.  I've believed in those calming voices. I've believed in those hugs. I've believed in those words of you. Your promises! Your goddamn promises!

I remembered those times of you telling me that we could actually take a trip in my favorite place someday. In Paris. That we could also have our own stargazing. That you'll buy me a lot of hello kitty stuffs. And your other promises that I couldn't even count. Bcos of how numerous they were.

I never doubt. I just believed and expected.
In you, I'd gave my whole loyalty and my own trust.

But who would even thought of those promises?! He was just my best friend! And I've known that there's just a half of possibility of those lies.

But until now, I always ask myself.
Why? Why do I need to believe in you? To expect those things to happen? To expect you to fall in love with me, too. Cos I did, I'd fallen for you. But I'd heard your words. Your words telling me that you love me, too. So the hell I am! I believed so. But things change. Actually I was so shocked of what happened. I wasn't even aware that you'll leave me nonetheless.

"I'll always be there for you. By your side". What a sweet lies of you, my dear. 
Till now, I'm hoping that a day will come that you'll come back to me, and so I'll welcome you again, with my open arms. But how stupid am I. How stupid am I to believe that you'll be back. That you'll be here with me, again. How silly, that I still hopes. I'd never thought of my heart. I've been so selfish of prioritizing myself first rather to the one who's really hurting.
My old heart. I always tell myself that I'll gonna be stronger and even more careful. That my heart will be safer than ever. I promised my heart that it will not ever come back to before. That it will not be the hopeless and broken one, again. That starting from now, it will be known as the stronger and careful one.

And now, I've decided.

I'll never again take a risk to bring back, my old heart. My old weak heart of mine before.

           I.am.very.sorry.

~ the stronger one.