Forced affection

I am sorry but today I am feeling I dont want this affection anymore. This love where I literally have to ask to feel loved. The way I am treated, the way my tears are mocked. I know that you dont need me anymore, babe. But you tell me almost everyday that you do. You say you care but trust me you dont. I dont know suddenly it feels like i gave so much that i am empty. You humiliate me. You mock me when I cry. Why do i still believe you? Why do I still crave for your hugs? I think i should not want this affection anymore. I dont want this forced love anymore. I know I need it badly. But its better if I never want it in my life. Its so toxic and it makes me feel empty. Makes me feel like I am nothing, just an ordinary. You treat me like ordinary. You prioritize everything over me. I guess I am nothing then. You say me you have two sides, some days you just wanna hug me tight and the other just mock me. I know this feeling. I have been here before. Why does everything feel like a deja vu? Are you him too? The one you treated me like crap and left. You know, even I have two sides. Some days I feel you are a good person, its just the situation and the other I feel you used to be a good person. Isnt it weird? I love you, you know that. You tell me that I use you. I am sorry to say love but you are using all my energy, love, attention. I dont want this affection anymore.