It's been 4 months, 4 long months of pain and questions in my head, 4 lonely months of tears on my pillows and some sleepless nights. It's been 4 months since I had let you go without hesitations.
I often ask myself if would it have beed different if I fought for my love for you. What if I chose to stay knowing that you weren't still over her? What if I loved you more than the love I already have? What if I chose to be more sacrificial for my love for you? What if I put in more effort of seeing you and begged you to let me stay in your life? Would it have been us again by now?
I wouldn't really know the answers. I am torn between 'I wish I did' and 'I made the right decision'. All I know is, your memories still lingers in my mind and heart and I always prayed, everyday, that I could let this memories go for now because these memories burn my heart.
I feel stupid for still wanting to see you smile. I want to know what's going on with your life now. I want to know if you are happy, if you are okay. In the end, it's always you I care about even though you never reciprocated even a little love for me.
Today, I took the courage to check on you through a social app. There you are, sincerely smiling in a picture with friends. Wow, you are happy. You seem to be enjoying the company of your friends. Somehow, it made me happy as well but my heart's shattered because I can see you never needed me to be happy. I would never know my purpose in your life but I know yours to mine. You were both a lesson and a reminder. The lesson is to always know that love is selfless and the reminder is that I do not have to know the answers to all the questions because the answers will come in its perfect time.