Right when you think you could know her closely, she will disappear.
She comes back to me in flashes
Cold weather, a sneezing woman with the intensity of the sound she could not bear, finding her way back to bunch of tissue roles she carried with her on the subways and then at the other station she is gone and you are amazed because the previous time you saw her
She was in a red gown, pretty contained, classy, with no tissue roles, no sneezing, sitting among people with a plastic smile.
And then
The last time I cannot remember if I saw her properly enough to make out how she looked, something like a crooked woman, messed up hair which probably was so because of the wind, a suitcase in her hand, approaching hurriedly to her car and going missing.
She didn't look me in the eye, she never did.
But I followed her every where
You see I don't follow people but she was different. It was accidental that she met me at most of the places: In the album studios,
I saw her the first time, she wore a denim jacket, and Minnie skirt with high boots, not cool for the weather. She was filing through the audio tapes when a guy, maybe her boyfriend hugged her from back and they kissed. She was happy, she seemed so, I saw her eyes lit up
But next time I saw her with another boy, changed looks, another city in some cafe. The universe was telling me of troubles and fascination . She wore a skirt, her legs as beautiful as her smile with a book in her hand. Maybe it was the ending of things. Nails coloured in black, short hair, nude lips and peaceful eyes.
Beautiful! Again
Sipping her espresso while her companion worked on his laptop.
She used to look up at him. It was cute, they both raised their heads to look at each other at the same moment and used to smile.
She was happy even then
I met her at the mart too, with locks hanging down her hair which had grown long with the coming fall. She had her own car now I guess which she was parking outside the mart. I have been out of town for 4 months. It was a coincident I could have found her again.
This time she was alone and tensed as if all the arduous parking procedures and rules have irritated her.
She then picked up her purse and walked in the mart. This time I followed her even though I did not really had to go to the mart.
God knows what drew me to her. Her new grown locks or her terrified face?
I still don't know.
She was one person to admire though.
She entered the store, did her shopping hurriedly but on the way to counter she stumbled upon some items and then her heels broke and she took them off and threw her items on the floor, grabbed her purse and walked away.
She ran like she had to. Nobody bothered to ask what happened,when someone should have. When I should have. She was upset. I could have given her a hand to help her. She walked out with a twisted foot.
And then like I mentioned before I saw her at the party. There she was all calm and happy, who knows if she was or not?
I followed her there too. You think I am mad?
I have never seen a woman smiling so much in corporate sorta parties, I took up a job as a waiter there, they needed one. I was curious to be a part of her party.
She had a husband now. Rich, successful he seemed.
You see, I couldn't keep record of her life much of the time because of the demand of my petty errands.
She was still beautiful but ageing yet that never mattered, what mattered was her plastic smile even when she looked at her husband and smiled, her eyes didn't twinkle like they did before when I saw her.
And then at the back of the banquet I found her smoking. It had to be some rich shit.
I asked one of my co-workers that night about her husband and family, if they knew anything.
And all they knew was that she was the wife of the mayor of the town.
That moment she went out of my reach, her images were fading. She seemed so big to me. Still one thing that kept me tied to her was her fragility, those petite lungs dying under the pressure of smoke.
What was she upto? Was she dying along. I didn't have the courage to ask her
Did she go to the audio store or the book store even now or was it big parties and her secret smoking joints?
Does she still have troubles with parking wait no! She has a chauffer now who brought her limo and she glided inside it like a queen. Alone she was, not with her husband.
And then after two years, I found her in subways, sneezing, unkempt, forget plastic smiles there was not even an expression. No cars, no chauffer to drive her around. That day she looked worst than me. Life can be hard but how hard was it for her, I never even bothered to find.
You see now I have a family, a beautiful wife, a to be Born daughter and my obsession with this woman can ruin it all. I don't want to know what happened to her. I don't even want to know if it is really her?
The Last time, I saw her she moved out of a hospital where my wife was brought during labor. I was worried and she was the same, running, hiding, with a suitcase and now she had car, I think she stole it. Circumstances force people to do stuff like these. What was wrong with her, always so mysterious and unpredictable.
I went inside the hospital.
And the last thing I know about her or whatever happened to many of us was that there was a blast in a car, an old car which Was stolen from a parking lot. The police had tried to trace it down to find a woman driving it, speeding towards the lake side. She had a suitcase in her hand that she wanted to throw in the lake, like some people claimed but as soon as she stepped out the, there was an explosion, the suitcase blasted. That suitcase with explosives was in the hospital, where I just brought my wife and my baby girl. I could not believe it. I came here for a new life. What if? I dread to think of it.
The other day when I took my wife and daughter back at home, I knew I had to do some research. I wanted to know about this woman. I wanted to know what exactly happened. How her life changed, how she knew about the suitcase, what was going on?
I googled about our ex mayor who had got himself nominated for the seat of governor. He had a new wife now. I wanted her name that's it. There was nothing. A woman who had achieved nothing but my heart and time won't be on Google, why did I forget that?
The banquet members might know her.
And I went there, luckily they remembered the ex mayor and his wife who they claimed to have gone mad after an accident.
Name : Greer Lan
And with that little piece of information about my first ever crush, can I call her that? I came back home.
What happened to her noone knows, she took that suitcase and that woman who rode down the streets with the suitcase was her. What was she upto? Was she a bomber, Converted into one. So many of these questions flocked in my brain. Universe had terrible things at my foot, the biggest was surely her.
But who cares what happened to her , more important is what would have happened to everyone if she didn't carry the explosives to throw them. That is what the police thinks.
She died saving people. Was she a hero? Or she was trying to be one? Was she assigned that job... She is always intriguing to me, God, even after she died.
But atleast I know her name now, I know her smile, I know how her eyes twinkle, and that she had troubles which I never bothered to ask. I could have, I must have even if she had snapped me.
Whatever it was, she saved us.
And for a second I did think it would be nice of me to name my daughter after her. But that thought soon went away, given her history but also because I wanted to remember her and her name as she was.
If you ask to me what this lady was like : I will just say- A stalker's fantasy...
My Troubled Greer, Hope you have a beautiful life somewhere where people care about you and not just look at you... I'm so sorry my dear.
Rest in peace Greer.
And thank you