From Your Lover

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To my man,

I love to travel.
You must understand.
I want to feel the breeze of the wind and face all the adventures this life can offer. The four corners of the office bores me to death. The numbers I’m dealing with every single day brings me more stress than any problems I’m facing in my everyday life. It slowly kills me.

I need to live my life.
You must understand.
I am not born to live a life dictated by other people. I’ve live my life suppressing all my dreams and sacrificing my passions in order to give the best for my family. I’ve live my younger years dealing with problems a twelve year old shouldn’t supposed to face. But I have my own life. It’s not you who chose, it’s not them who decide but me.

I love freedom.
You must understand.
I am born to explore; meet other people, learn new things, understand other cultures and make friends. The more you held me tight, the more I will break free; the more I will take a step farther away, until you cannot reach me anymore. Until I am no further to be seen.

I am independent.
You must understand.
How I dealt my life without a father. I have grown to become a strong woman I am now. I can manage on my own. I rarely asks for help when I can still do it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have weaknesses. It makes me cling more and love more as much as I love to do things on my own.

I am an artist.
You must understand.
I am passionate about my arts. I love to mess with paint on early mornings. I love to read and indulge myself into a book until midnight. I love to sing loud and dance to the rhythm of the beatbox. I am often preoccupied in my daydreams and imaginations that filled me with colors. It makes me happy and I hope you do understand when it felt like I'm in my own world.

I am loyal.
You must understand.
While living a life that is not predictable, that is always on the move, I just want to tell you that I am still a friend, a person you can still count on. You’re still the one I think of before I go to sleep under the bed of stars on top of a mountain or while listening to the waves of the sea on the beach, wishing and hoping you are the one I’m spending this solitude with. Hoping that the stars would finally make you see the beauty I see in them.

I am still your lover.
You must understand.
How I’d love to smell your hair, hear your voice, held your face, look into your eyes and still see why I had loved you with all my heart. That up to now, the universe still whispers your name into my ears and still feel the excitement --- and all the pain that comes with it.

I still miss you.
You must understand.
The way I’ve seen you from a distance and the urge I felt to go to where you are and hold your hand is stronger than the actions I’ve shown. They say actions speak louder than words, but when actions might hurt the ones you love, you’re left t to choose to stay where you are rather than show the love you had. They say love must be fought, against all odds, but sometimes, love is better when it is sacrificed.

I still love you.
You must understand.
But I am never meant to be a prisoner of your heart. Because I am meant to see the world. It is the same world I wished I’ll see together with you. I still love you, I do. But if you don’t understand, I’ll just leave because I can’t force you to view the world the way I see it, the way I love it.

I need to leave you.
This, I know, you understand.
And we’ll see each other again.
When time comes, we’ll entirely be different from now.
You probably think that I finally get it. That feelings are just as fleeting as passing moments.
And we’re never meant to be together.

So I’ll take a step away, forward.
And I’ll leave you on your own.
I know you will be safe.
I know you can handle.
You wouldn't worry about me.
You know I can take care of myself.
Because you knew I'm so used to being alone.
And you believed that I am safe in this universe.
And that I am better on my own.