Frozen in Time

My alarm sounded off. Blinding rays of the sun shone through my covered windows. I let out a lazy yawn as I stretched my body and reached for the alarm clock. Why can't this thing just automatically shut up?

I rubbed my eyes as I removed the blanket that covered my body. I sat at one end of the bed and tried my best to escape from my half-awakeness but I failed. I was so damned because of last night's party. Fuck this thing called hangover.

I was about to shut my eyes when my phone rang. I facepalmed in frustration as I was sliding the screen.

"Hello?" I said in a raspy voice. Tsk. The side effects of alcohol.

"Hey, I'm outside." Said a voice on the other line. I abruptly opened my eyes. I never saw the caller ID but I know who this is. I know who she is.

"Wait up. Give me 30 minutes." Before she could answer, I hung up and slammed the phone in my bed and went to the bathroom.

I did what I had to do within 30 minutes and I went downstairs to see her.

"You're a minute late." She said in her fragile voice the moment I stepped out of my house.

"Isn't it too early for you to pester me?" I monotonously answered as I went right inside the car. "And besides, can't you give me a break? I am fucking having a hangover and you're not helping. So shut it."

"I'm sorry. You're the one who drowned yourself in alcohol while partying last night, not me." She tried to humor me but I did not budge. I'm not in the mood to.

"Have you eaten breakfast?" I shook my head. "Let's go grab breakfast then. Don't worry it's my treat. A compesation from what you've done for me these past few days." I nodded as I leaned against the seat of the car and stared outside.

We didn't spoke to each other after that. She started the car and we silently drove to a Korean Resto near the town market.

We silently entered the resto and we positioned into the 2nd table near the glass window facing the snow covered road. I sleepingly stared outside as snow fell and people passing by wore thick clothes because of the weather. Yes. It's still winter time here in L.A. and here I am inside a Korean Resto enjoying the warmth of its evirons.

I saw her walking towards our table carrying two trays on both arms. I stood up to help her and she flashed a smile as a sign of gratitude.

"You shouldn't have carried two trays at once. You can always return and get the other tray rather than risking yourself to get burned. The soup's flaming hot." I said to her without looking at her. I felt her stop at taking food from the tray and looked at me. I faced her and she turned beet red.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" I innocently asked as she shook her head and lowered it as if her level of embarrassment has reached the 999th level.

"No. It's just that..." She heaved a deep sigh. "I missed that."

Now it's my turn to stop from what I am doing. She does? I thought...

"You thought it was easy right?" She chuckled. I hear bitterness in her tone of voice.

I couldn't answer her. It feels like my tongue and mouth had minds of their own which chose to stay shut and not say anything. The atmosphere between us was awkward and silence followed. Maybe not wanting to ruin the whole setup she got the fish soup on my tray and set it in front of me.

"Here, have some. The haraboeji there told me that fish soup is great for hangovers and it helps gain protein too." I stared at her and she just smiled. "I know you want to talk, but first, let's eat. I know you're hungry."

And I did so. I ate the soup and miraculously, I felt the dizziness disappeared and my head felt lighter. The fish soup really is effective.

As I finished my bowl, I stared at her. She was eating modestly. Just like what she does before. She's blowing the soup-filled spoon first before she puts it in her mouth. The spoon never hits her teeth because I heard no clunging sound, and she chews her food quitely. Just like an angel.

It seemed to her that I was staring so she stopped and faced me. "Do I have something on my face?" She asked me. I shook my head. "Then why are you staring?"

"It's nothing." I said and she smiled as she continued to eat. I can't tell her she's so lovely when she eats. At least not now.

We finished eating and as she said, she paid for the bill. We left the resto and silently went inside the car, again.

"Was the soup effective?" She broke the ice when she asked. I nodded also. "It was superb." A deafening silence followed. All I can hear is the rustling of the thermoheater in her car and a familiar song playing on the radio.

"Everybody's got something they have to leave behind." I heard her chuckled bitterly and shook her head. That song... I heaved a sigh. This is pure irony, I tell you.

"There's no use looking back, wondering. How we should be now or might have been." Is there really no use in looking back what have bedn in the past? What could happen, right? It's just...

"I never had a dream come true, 'til the day that I found you. Even though I pretend that I've move on, you'll always be my baby." She started singing the chorus and I looked at her. She was intently looking at me, teary-eyed. "And I don't matter where that leads me to. A part of me will always be with you." The last line was almost audible. I was the first one to avert my gaze. I can't stand to stare at her in her most fragile state. I breaks me inside.

I heard her let out a sob as she turned the radio off. I wanted to look back but something urges me not to. I'm not just ready yet.

"That song..." She trailed off and chuckled. "It stirs up something...right?" I am imagining her looking at me with those angelic orbs of hers. I can't stand to look at her. Because I'm scared I might never let her go...again. Ever again.

"Maybe it's just me." She sighed again. "You aren't doing anything today right? Let's go somewhere fun. Just give me this day. Just this once." She started the car and we drove unto somewhere again, in silence.

As we were driving down a road filled with leafless oak trees, her phone rang. I had the urge to look at who's calling but I didn't. I'm scared to know if it's her special someone.

"Hello?" She answered with her angelic voice. I want to hear that voice to just myself. Just—

"Yeah, I missed you too." That made me stop. She misses...

"Uh-huh." I couldn't help myself to gaze at her. She was smiling. The genuine smile she used to show...with only me.

"Arasseo. Jalja!" Her Korean accent never fails to send me shivers down my spine. "Nado, Saranghae." That made my heart sink. Immediately. She...she's with someone now?

She hung up and placed the phone in her coat pocket and I went back to staring outside. What she said a while ago made me jump into conclusions. She's with someone else now. How...how am I going to win her back then? Will she still choose me when I say that I still love h er? Maybe not. Seeing her smile like that explicitly says that she's happy with whoever she's with or whoever called her. She scarcely smiles. She may purse her lips to smile but smiling with her teeth visible is rare. Only a few people can see it and I am lucky to have seen her smile many time before. Before we..

"Here we are." I snapped out of my thoughts. I'm being paranoid. I brush my face with my glove covered hands. "Are you okay?" She asked me and I just nodded and smiled.

She went out of the car and so did I. The cold winter wind brushed my face as I went out. It's not yet that cold because winter just started and the temperature's just right. I scanned the evirons of the place and it seems familiar to me.

"Do you remember this place?" She asked me. I turned to look at her. She was looking up at the sky and she placed her hands on the pockets of her coat.

"Not quite." She looked at me and pursed her lips. "Let's make you remember then. Come on, follow me." I did what she told me.

She stopped at a stoned patio lane. "You'll never remember when you don't go together with me."

I smiled at her and went to her side. "Now, as we walk this patio, right foot first okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay. Ready, go." We both walked right foot first. We walk past leafless bushes which ought to be roses. We even passed an almost frozen puddle of water.

We were walking with comforting silence when she sighed and stopped. "Just like before."

I stopped walking and faced her. She removed her hands from her pocket and blowed air into her hands while rubbing it.

"Why haven't you worn gloves?" She faced me as she pursed her lips to smile.

"I just wanna feel the winter breeze." She sniffed the air and sighed. "I love the feeling of sudden coldness and the warmth of my breath meeting my hands." She explained.

"I know. But getting frosts bites aren't as easy as you ought it would be." I removed the glove on my right hand and walked towards her as I grabbed her right hand.

"What are you—" I placed the glove on her hand and it fitted just right. "Now we're fair."

"But you're hands..." She again trailed off. "They're sensitive right? You'll get frost bites and—"

"What about this?" I gently held her left hand entwined my fingers with hers. She cringed and blushed.

"But.."

"Shush. Like you said earlier, just like before." She was shocked of what I said and she faced me. We stood there, facing each other; looking at each other's eyes while feeling the warmth of each other's hand which are intertwined.

"I..." She started to speak, not removing her gaze upon my eyes. Her red lips are now turning pale because of the cold weather and her nose starts to redden.

"I remember." She cringed and lowered her head. I felt her slightly squeeze my hand. I jested at her gesture. "I was the first one who took you here, 13th of March, 4 years ago."

I closed my eyes. I can still remember how happy we were. A few days before spring we went here and enjoyed each other's company for the whole day. We even watched how colors of red, blue and orange burst up at the sky when sunset came.

"And this is the place where you broke my heart, tore me apart and left me without any reason or explanation. The exact day, 3 years ago." She was trembling and I felt a hot liquid dropped in my hand. She's crying.

I opened my eyes and saw her with her head down and trying her best not to sob.

I can also clearly remember how I told her to not love me anymore and left her crying at this same spot without leaving a goddamn reason.

"And, I don't why...why exactly 3 years had already passed...but still...I'm still fvcking in love with a jerk named you." She was now really crying hard.

I had to do what I had to. "So am I." I said to her, lifted her head and kissed her fully in her cold pale lips. How I miss the taste of her thin red lips. It sent shivers to my whole system and I felt her respond.

The kiss lasted long. I locked her in my arms and kissed her dampened hair. "And now, I'm correcting my mistakes. That mistake I made 3 years ago today, I will correct it." I cupped her face and placed my forehead upon her forehead. "Are you willing to give me a chance?"

"For the past 3 years, that's the question I really am waiting for and you know what?" She stole a kiss from me. "Yes."

We both smiled; genuinely as we shared a passionate kiss under the sky bursting with the colors of blue, red and orange.

FIN