I Want

I swore to God that I'll never write another work of mine that's about you. I swore that no more words of mine shall be written with you as the subject. But look at me right now. It's late at night and here I am, again, with this hobby of writing words about you because I was never good in telling you face to face about how I feel. Here I am again, and I feel so pathethic. I feel so dumb because even if I see it with my own two eyes that you and I are two words that'll never come together, I still am hoping. Hoping that if I stay, if I just stand right beside you maybe you'll stop looking for someone else. Maybe you'll stop searching the seven seas and climb those thousand mountains, maybe you'll never tire yourself of searching again because I'm here. Beside you, close to you, aiding you and never letting go. But I was wrong to think that way.

I know how much you love adventures that's why I wasn't included in your search. I was too close, our distance was too close that I was never the adventure, the thrill, the adrenaline rush you were looking for. I was your water bottle, I was your jar. I was there to quench you, to aid you on your journey. I was always there with you but with every stride you take, every step nearing your goal, I was turning empty. I gave you your fill and in return you drained me. And to tell you honestly, I am dead tired of being all that.

I wanted to be the adventure you'll never get tired of pursuing. I wanted to be the path you'd choose with every crossroad you encounter. I wanted you to choose me; whether I was rugged, perilous, and not likely to be chosen. I wanted to be the stars you'd wait for and adore every night. I wanted to be the moon who'll guide you under the dark blankets of the horizon. I wanted to become everything you'll ever need...ever love...but all ends there. You gave me no chance, no shot, all I ever wanted were really just wants in the end.

But I hope this one want of mine gets fulfilled. My want to break free from you, my want to let you go...to let my feelings go. I do not want it to stay as a want. I want to fulfill it. To save myself from hurt, from pain, from everything that causes my heart to squeeze in pain. This is the want that I want and I hope it won't stay as one.