Every year, there's that one day where your Facebook notification gets filled up with birthday greetings, people greet you when you happen to pass by and you receive gifts that you don't really need or sometimes like.
I'm talking about birthdays, the most cliche day of the year besides Valentine's day. I know most of you love this day. It's special to some, I know. But not to me. It's a day that I consider bullshit and I know some of you might have opposite opinions but hear me out why I see birthdays this way.
Don't get me wrong, I loved my birthdays before. Loved. Though not all of my birthdays were celebrated in a special way, I loved them and always anticipated next year's celebration. Except for my 18th birthday though. My views on birthdays changed that day.
This is a shitty day.
Birthdays are bullshit.
Now I understand why some people hate birthdays.
I've realized some serious things that day. And some of the things I've realized were the reasons why birthdays are bullshit are as follows:
People I don’t really know greet me on Facebook, “Happy Birthday!” as if we were long-termed friends who just got separated for abroad. People I rarely talk to, people who sometimes ignore me on the streets, people who don’t really care at all suddenly become my closest friends and invite me on dates and hang out sessions and just wanna “catch up” because hey, why not. It’s my birthday, isn't it?
But you wanna know what’s the most bullshit thing about birthdays? It’s pretending to be happy when deep inside you’re dying. It’s faking a smile because you’re supposed to be happy on your birthday. It’s being forced nicely to celebrate because it’s your birthday and you shouldn’t be spending your birthday locked up in your room alone eating ice cream and watching Netflix.
It’s bullshit because by the end of the day, after the celebration is over, you’ll go home back to that bed you should’ve been on in the first place, still alone and struggling because birthdays don’t fix your problems. Wishes before you blow your candles don’t come true. That one year added to your age just means another year full of crap and shit and struggles until another year has passed and you’ll have to deal with another bullshit birthday once more.
I never made a wish before blowing those candles, because I myself saw by the end of the day just how ordinary the day is to the people you’re celebrating it with. Birthdays are just an excuse for other people to party, for other people to drink. It’s a free food pass to some while a straightforward ordinary day to some. Birthdays are not special. They’re just an excuse, a bullshit day for people like me.
Again, I understand if some don't share the same thought. I'm not forcing you to hate your birthdays. I'm only telling you what I saw and experienced and realized the day I turned 18. It wasn't special anymore. Birthdays cease to be special like when you were 5 as you grow older until eventually it's just forgotten and becomes just another ordinary day; to some, at least.
Who knew, time might come when you're really gonna spend your birthday alone. It might be sad, but it might be satisfying to some because there's no pretending, no denying that you're sad. You can be true to yourself. You can cry like you did when you were born a few years ago on that exact same date. You can be at peace on your day. And I don't think that's bad. I think that's okay.