I don't know you and I don't know what you're going through right now.
But I do know how you feel and I understand the easiest way out is to die. Before you do that though, here's something I wanna show you.
I want you to close your eyes, and put yourself in Cris' shoes.
Close your eyes, and take a deep breath.
Now open them and see yourself in a room. It's filled with people you know and don't know. They have their backs on you but by the looks of it, some are sobbing, some are chatting, and some are just staring at space and doing their best to bottle up their emotions.
Your name is Cris, and you're standing at the furthest corner of the room. No one seems to notice you but you were fine with it. After all, all your life you were approaching others, helping others but they never notice you needed their help too.
When you were finally ready to ask someone where you are, a familiar person stood up.
You remember her as your friend. You weren't sure if she was a classmate or a roommate but you were sure you were close.
She stood in front and scanned the crowed. She looked like she was in pain but she did her best to contain herself.
She held up a mic and spoke on it, her voice trembling as if she just stopped crying. "I wanna thank you all for coming. If you would all settle down, I'd like to start the eulogy for Cris."
You were confused for a while. A eulogy for Cris? That's when you noticed the coffin behind the speaker.
It was a simple white coffin; simple yet elegant. And on it stood your picture.
It was your coffin.
You're at your funeral.
And that's when you remembered three days ago, you ended your life. You finally did it. You're finally free.
But why do you feel empty inside? Is it because you're now hollow inside and out?
You looked around you and that's when everything fell into place; all the black shirts, the tears, the heavy atmosphere.
But everyone quieted down. They readied themselves to listen to your friend.
You hesistated on staying at first because why stay?
All your life you always dreamed about running away but today, you stayed.
To hear what they have to say. To hear their last words for you. It's your eulogy after all; so for the final time, you stayed.
"Eulogies were made to praise someone, whether it's because of their works or their achievements or their life in general. Eulogies were made to give us something to remember someone with but I have a question for you guys:
Why do you think people are remembered for the good things they made only when they're dead, but remembered for the bad things while they were alive?
Why is a funeral service the best time to remember someone? Is it better of when they're no longer around to hear us?
Why are we all here tonight, out on our busy schedules, just to remember Cris? Why on earth are we here just now...
...when she needed us throughout the years that she's feeling alone?"
Her voice was quavering but her emotions were strong; pain, sadness, rage, anguish. You can feel each emotion in the atmosphere and looking around, you know it's not just you who could feel it.
"I'm in front of you guys tonight to give you more than just to remember Cris.
I've known her since entering university and I gotta say she was your typical college girl. What sets her apart though is her strength; not the physical type but in her words and opinion.
She always knew what she wanted and she never fails to show anyone her point. Yeah, she respects your ideas and decisions but you have to hear her side because it's only fair. After all, she's only looking out for you.
In fact, she's looking out for you and me and the whole country. She won't settle down for the ruined system and government because she wants a better place, a better environment. And she's not afraid to use her voice for it, even if her voice is only heard by a few.
She's pretty much none and a lot.
None because she's average.
A lot because inside that mind and heart of hers is an ocean of thoughts and emotions that she tell only a few people about.
She's a distinct yet awkward teenager who loves cats and unicorns and 5SOS.
So yeah, she's pretty much none and a lot who could've achieved a lot if she was saved."
She took a deep breath. Do you see her hands shaking? Do you see her composing herself like a calm before the storm?
"3 days ago, she cut herself.
I couldn't believe when I heard the news because the night before that we were hanging out. I was triggered by my own depression but she was there to cheer me up. We laughed and acted like kids together.
I didn't think she'd do it the next day.
She was very serious when she asked me if I was tired and I know she was sincere when she told me that she was. Who wouldn't be tired from all the stress and expectations people put on you?"
Silence. Everyone was listening. She caught everyone's ears.
"I know why she did it.
She has been so selfless all this time for others, that for once she wanted to be selfish and give herself the help she couldn't get from others.
She cut her wrist to end the pain that could've been bearable if we shared it all together.
She felt sad and alone but she was also scared she'd be a burden for us.
I hate her for believing that. And I hate myself for realizing it all too late.
She could've been saved. Not just her but all the other people who committed suicide because they felt alone."
She started crying.
"I'm not sure if Cris could hear us tonight but I just wanna let her know that I miss her. And if only I can turn back the time, I'll tell her something right before she cut her wrist.
Something like:
Cris, if you proceed, you'll be aiding the emptiness you feel. But you'll also be ridding yourself of future emotions like happiness, excitement, love and a lot more. I wanted to be there with you through all memories, happy or bad; celebrating each achievement and failure with you. If only I could turn back time, I wanted to be with you althroughout, something I should've done a long time ago. But I guess I can't do that anymore. I just wish you're of to a nice place.
I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry."
You're friend stopped speaking. She was done.
As she stepped down, another one of your friends stood to take her place.
You wanted to listen more. But you saw a door to your right slowly closing. You just knew you had to go through it before it close completely.
So, hesitating, you left.
Leaving the room, leaving your life, into the great unknown.
Para kay CAG