Sometimes, we have a lot to say, but instead, we choose the silence over all the words, maybe because we're afraid, or maybe we've been hurt because of our own words. I chose to shut up. But I never thought that silence will hurt me even more.
I tried to get over and move on. I tried to meet other persons. I even changed my life style. But the ghost has been chasing me everywhere, when I'm with my friends- or at least we pretend to be, because we need this friendship, we need this association that links us, we need to feel that we are part of something, we simply deceive ourselves with something fake as we are-, at school, alone. The ghost is with me all the time, I have never been afraid of him, I got used to his pain, when he's around, I can't breathe, I die and come back to life again. Sometimes he ignores me, other times he disappears, but even during his absence I can feel him, he leaves coldness behind.
My ghost is mysterious, strange, but never left me down. He was always where I wanted him to be. And this is the reason why I got used to him, and maybe fell in love with him. Can anyone one fall in love with a spirit?
Now, I'm haunted. He sucks life from me, he consumes me and he's playing cold like he never knew me. It kills me. Have you ever been denied by a dead soul?
I tried so hard to make him remember all the time we spent together, playing games with each other spirits-he liked that game and so did I-and maybe remind him of the reason why he chose to hunt me. I’m confused and addicted to a soulless. I called for SOS but no one seems to hear me, it’s like when you're in the middle of a nightmare, screaming deeply but nobody comes to save you.
Have I lost him forever? Well, I don't think so, because I still can feel his hopeless frightening. Maybe instead of wondering, I should let it go, and get over him. Those were my thoughts before I tried to do so. But now, I'm aware that I will never ever get away from him, and this is why I can finally say «If you can't get over something, learn how to live with it».Now, I'm stuck with my demon, and I stopped running away, I will stay in my place, just where he first found me, waiting for him to come back, he can't go any further than this. I'm Home.
Standing in this black hole, it’s more like falling, looking around, familiar faces, and strange attitudes. They don't want to make eye contact with each other. They know eyes are the key for knowledge. Sometimes, I even ask myself is it possible that all those people around me are haunted but they don't show it, or is it just me? Do they feel exactly how I feel? Are they chasing ghosts? Can it be the same spirit I'm looking for? But then, I see people around me looking so warm. I close my eyes and all I feel is his coldness. It seems like he's standing next to me, whispering in my ears: you're not like the others; you should accept that you're different.
To be continued...