sshshhhshh, it won't hurt. said my heart to my overthinking self, let's try this. let's dive into this. for the first time, maybe the last as well. stop wavering, listen to me this time, my heart starting beating faster and faster as I felt his fingers moving towards mine and, and when he held my hand it all felt so, so exquisite, so different. it was a feeling I wanted to feel again and again and again. I was falling helplessly, by the time I could listen to my head's warnings of getting hurt, I already drowned in the brown of his eyes. but when he held my fingers tighter as if I'm a little child while crossing the road, ohmygod, I was shivering, I am not the shy kind but I looked like a little red tomato holding his hand, haha I was so stupid and he was so adorable.
will you please stop holding his hand now, my brain was fuming with anger but the heart just didn't lose the grip. his eyes are so brown, and his hair are so shiny, he has a birthmark on his face, its so perfect. damn, he has long lashes too, I wish I had such long lashes, he is way more good looking than his pictures for sure. I kept mumbling myself all this while he was talking on the phone. wait, am I seriously falling into this trap. hey, listen, leave right now. I am telling you, you will get hurt. but he's so sweet, let's give it a try at least. but what if he is just acting, tell me, don't blame me later. girl, listen to me, listen to your heart okay. I was stuck between the thoughts of feeling loved and getting hurt.
I wasn't feeling shy anymore, he made me so comfortable. when he flicked my hair behind my ear, my heart pounded and my brain, I think it stopped working. all the you'll get hurt thoughts vanished. and don't get me started on the "good bye hug", his cologne was like the only thing I wanna smell for the rest of my life, I looked so stupid glaring at him. and his "text me when you're home", I was so flattered to be honest but kept such a plane face and said bye. I was jumping from the inside.
its been 3 years already since our first date, and by now I have a closer view of his lashes haha. its either the head or the heart, you set the other on fire. but setting my head on fire for him, was worth it.