Heavier than heaven

@ Authored & created by: Anup D.

“Tighten the ropes” came a strong voice from the back

“Yes -so it can cope up with the weight”

Little chaos, as it usually happens in these situations

an un-planned event

Relatives running to sort pending things

Running feet’s all around, panic and to add to that phones never stopped buzzing

Standing on the entrance of house

while tightening the ropes

to this special purpose wooden bed

My eyes are transfixed on the Ice slab in the room

which have slightly started to melt

“Embellish all four sides now with flowers”

“Put this red moli (pious holy thread) on all four corners of the wooden bed”

I did as told

‘Shanti Mantra’ started playing at the background

ॐ असतो मा सद्गमय ।

तमसो मा ज्योतिर्गमय ।

मृत्योर्मा अमृतं गमय ।

ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥

(From untruth lead us to Truth.

From darkness lead us to Light.

From death lead us to Immortality.

Om Peace, Peace, Peace.)

My eyes still focused on the melting ice slab

and on it’s top, the icy feet facing me

I spoke to the owner of these feet few hours ago

“All of you go and pick him up from the room and bring him here, it’s time”

I got up and walked toward the room

this would be the heaviest weight I would carry

A weight heavier than heaven

the dead body of my beloved Dada Ji (grandfather)

I just saw him take his final breath in front of me few hours ago in hospital

You never learn about your own emotions and it’s depth, until the hour of separation

And my hour was here, un-announced and on my face

The body was now brought out and placed on the wooden bed

feet to the west and head to the east

Amidst loud chanting

‘HARI OM TATSAT JAI GURU DATTA’

(The love, power and driving force which is the love for eternal substance of the Universe, from which all is made.

And the intelligence of Creation, That is the only Truth, That is the only Existence)

The body was bathed and then draped with a new cloth

‘GangaJal’ (Holy water) poured in the mouth and a ‘tulsi’ leaf is placed artistically perpendicular on top

Orifices of the nose and ears are closed too by placing a bunch of tulsī leaves in them

All the body part were covered, except feet and face

earthen lamp with a single wick is lit

the flame of the lamp faced the south direction.

and placed on a mound of wet ‘kneaded flour of wheat’ at some distance

from the head of the dead body

Few people gathered around, started offering a garland of flower near his feet

Someone put sugar in the mouth as part of custom

Not sure if they were aware he was diabetic

It is said to not cry heavily near the deceased

It brings negative energies

And blocks the soul/ energy to depart to the cosmos

And when you can’t express outside

Gulping those tears helped me understand my biochemistry for the first time

I also understood the real physics for the first time too

The gravitational force between a mass and the earth is the object's weight.

In my case

The heavy weight and turmoil of my emotions looking at all this

Was pulling me back to the ground

Like an extreme force of gravity pulls a heavy stone falling from the top of building

But I somehow was trying my best to instead fall like a feather from the same building

As four of us picked up the wooden bed on our shoulder, with his body on top

To it’s final destination to the cremation ground

I looked at his face and realised it’s not shaved, he always liked clean shaven face

We could have given more attention to this detail

Then I wondered

Let alone for the dead, had we all not ignored small and minor things for each other as we are living

Every relation in this world would be harmonious

Behind the kartā (person who lead the funeral procession, in this my Father being the eldest son)

Holding a pot containing the ignited fire in his right hand.

As we took the first few steps and started to walk

The weight on my shoulder started to kill me

This man I’m carrying have carried me since my childhood

The crowd of relatives, acquaintances and neighbours behind us started chanting

“Ram Naam Satya Ha”

(Only Lords name is reality, rest all is fake and illusion in this world)

My thoughts went back to hospital room no. 109, as he finally closed his eyes this morning

In room no. 110 two new eyes opened the same time, as I heard the first sound of the new born

Dada Ji’s face was calm and composed

The art of dying graciously is nowhere advertised

And In spite of this fact

He really understood its market potential is great

While I painfully was watching him rest

A patient sitting on the bench at my back was asking the Doctor.

‘Doctor Saab’, is it true, that if I ate a lot of carrots, I won't need glasses?

- Sure, have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

Humor, life, death, silence, eternal peace, pain all co-exist with each other

Every breath inhaled is life

& exhaled is death

As we walked a little further on the road

I saw few relatives at the back within the crowd

I would have seen more leap years in my life than I would have seen them

And they were consoling few of my immediate family members for this loss

“Everything will be all rite, we are always there with you”

Sweet lies are acceptable at these tender times

I was wondering had there been any other times, would these same people hugging each other right now, will hug each other?

Sometimes our own vulnerabilities bring us together and make us more acceptable of others

I looked around I saw the busy street

Scooters, bikes and cars halted

With folded hands (Namaste) they bid the last adieu

To the body of a stranger

But to the soul of the universe

I learned that only with our mind and body people have issues

But when that is gone and

Only the soul remains

There can be no other emotion except

an immense love

So that gave a hope -that our ego, hate and dislike for others are only temporary

Vendor on roadside was selling Jalabi’s (Sweets)

My favorite

Mouth watering & lusty indeed –as I have sweet tooth

My pain turned into a sweet pain now

The lust and spirituality are happening in my thoughts at the same time

A small temptation can ruin the divine tranquility

On the other side of road a temple priest is blessing a newly wed couple

The union and separation are happening on the same road

After reaching the crematorium,

The dead body is placed on the pyre along with the bier

With its feet facing the north and head facing the south direction.

Big toes of my DadaJi are untied.

The toes I used to touch every morning for his blessings

Chanting from the crowd became louder

‘HARI OM TATSAT JAI GURU DATTA’

‘HARI OM TATSAT JAI GURU DATTA’

Ram naam satya ha

Gopal naam satya ha

Drops of ‘ghee’ with the tip of a ‘tulsī’ leaf were placed on his mouth

And on both the nostrils, on his ears and eyes

The kartā (My father) placed the pot of fire in the north-west direction

and kindle the fire in it.

Black sesame seeds and then ‘oblations’ of ghee offered to the fire.

Every single day of my being with him

was dancing in front of me

as if someone have rewind and pressed the ‘Play’ button

those early morning walks and life lessons

the stories of ‘Panchatantra’

the reading of ‘Hunuman Chalisa’

to the trips to ‘Haridwar’

that dipping in icy cold Ganga River, is still giving me body shivers

Now the kartā (My Father) was called to kindle the pyre with the Agnī (Fire) brought in the pot.

A dried coconut leaf was lit

He begins with head side and then kindled the pyre from all the sides moving in an anti-clockwise.

As the body starting burning

I saw tears in the eyes of most

Because the first is the grief of loss, and second is the re-making of life without him

For me

May be the song is ending but I’m certain the melody will lingers on and on…

Priest told us to utter the last departing word ‘स्वाहा’ (swāhā)

With each mantra while offering each oblation,

अग्नये स्वाहा । अग्नय इदं न मम ।।

कामाय स्वाहा । कामाय इदं न मम ।।

लोकाय स्वाहा । लोकाय इदं न मम ।।

अनुमतये स्वाहा । अनुमतय इदं न मम ।।

At the end of the sentence ‘इदं न मम । (This does not belong to me)

(We are born from this soil and will merge back into it

Nothing belongs to me

What is truth and what is not truth?

Is not in the words you speak

But the life that you hold within you

It’s in the way you are

Weather you are a crawling worm or a big human being

Once the sun comes up it lights up everybody

There is light to see for whoever opens their eyes

So essential nature of life is all-inclusive

Life co-exist with death

Every breath Inhaled is life

& exhaled is death

And this is the truth

And if you sit here, all-inclusive, it is your ultimate truth

If you are in touch with the truth, then there can be no suffering within you

It is as simple as THAT )

Courtesy: www.birdscry.wordpress.com