what is happening to me? I ask myself as I sip my 4th cup of coffee which does absolutely nothing than just scarring my feelings into half. I wonder if I dodged a bullet, or lost a gem. I don't know, or maybe I do, I just want warmth. that's all, warmth of another combination of flesh and bones, warmth of another soul covered with all the magical potions possible.
I lie, I've been lying since forever. My life's a mess, My heart's a broken shattered piece. all I really desire, for a hand to hold in peace. different, they say, its difficult they say. I know right!? I say. I guess you didn't know, you meant a lot. I lie when I laugh, I lie when I pretend to be okay. I lie, when I look at you, I lie when I write about you. I'm a liar, and that's the sweetest encomium I've read about me, written by me.
its a lonely thing, to protect a breakable heart. I'm not sure if my heart is working, yours is beating double times. I don't even think its worth it, I know that I just got to say whats on my mind. you deserve better, I might be what you want, but its better to seek. I loved you like nobody else, but you deserve better. you gave up on me, because I'm immature. true, true tho.
why do i do this every time? you deserve better than me, you're better off without me. I'll love you, till I bid farewell to this place. its really hard, really tough for me. touch, to ask for a touch, is that too much to ask for? am i too hard to love? why? why its always me? my mind racing through these thoughts, as I sip my 6th cup of coffee, and falls asleep.