I Thought

I thought I knew you. I thought I knew what you were thinking. Alas, I was wrong. I never knew you. I never knew what you were thinking. I never knew if you really loved me or gave an f about me. I don't know you. I thought I did, but I was wrong. I never knew you.

All those moments, those times, all those memories that I want to bring back. Were all of them lies? Or was I just blinded? Delusional? Or were they just plain illusions I've imagined inside my head? I'll never know.

The thing is, I want to love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I'm terrified. I'm terrified because I don't think I can handle you. I don't know you. I thought I did but I didn't.

I thought I could live with the feeling of doubt but I can't. I thought I could love you unconditionally without any doubt in my chest but I can't. I can't live with that, that feeling of doubt.

I love you, but I don't know if you love me. I'm terrified of getting hurt. You were my first, I thought you'd be the last, but I guess I thought wrong.