Idea of being loved

i don't know whether I was wrong or not. but I knew my fear lead me to take decision which I wont agree. It was me who decide to do that so, I wont blame it on my fears. sorry, I was not that much a coward. I decide to accept your feelings that doesn't mean I accepted to show my feelings. you're the one who never knew me. you didn't want to understand me. you just solemnly believed in your emotions, it was not my fault or yours. lets blame it on time so both of us could feel less guilt. I already told you I'm not sure about either your feelings nor my feelings. but i was sure it take only few seconds to leave a person. and even though I didn't say what I felt. I stand upon my promise so don't blame me for it, you're the one who left me. sorry. i don't have enough love to give to u because the love I carry is enough for myself.

I chose you not because you're special just because you're ordinary. I needed a ordinary person to make my life a little better than a unique special person to do it. I loved you not because you loved me it's because I loved the idea of being loved. Even when you broke my heart a lot and when you gave up I stand in the same place where you left me to pick me up and always you came back. I know I shouldn't get addict to it but I did. Everything with you became an addiction. But the not the worse one because now I could live even without the addiction. Thank you for memories you gave me which make me realise I'm normal too. I clearly wanted to end our relationship after six months. That's the thing I thought when you propose to not lose the one best friend to not get hurt. So I said I would leave you after six months but now I don't want to. Even when  sometimes I think that our love was not the same. Even when I feel I was not good enough I stayed saying only six months and when six months nears I secretly hope for another six months. Don't know whether my secret hope will come true. But I treasure all the memories of you.

Even waiting for the end of six months I must be crazy to make memories with you. When you first hold my hand my heart skipped a beat and the crazy me wants to remember it so I drew it rather than taking a picture to make it special. When you were watching a movie I secretly steal a glance and when you didn't notice, a glance where turned into stares. The smile in your face brightens my face every time I remember your smile I may be crazy to act like that.

Three years of friendship made us good friends together. Maybe that's why I couldn't deny you when you proposed I could even deny my crush proposal but not yours. When I think about what all I can say is may be I liked you too. I don't want to lose you is all I thought when you propose I clearly know when I refuse to we will be friends but I don't want to. I said myself it's okay you can be together for six months then leave without saying anything. But I couldn't do it. Because I started to like the idea of being loved by you.

Sometime I were scared of future even pushed you but you came to me which made you good towards me. When you fight and walked away I stayed in the same place you left me I was hurt but I was okay I know we were going to end anyway but you came back. That was the moment I knew you were different. Now, I won't say I was not scared of the future I'm just happy in the present with the idea of being loved. The idea of being normal. ....... With hope for the day's never end.

P.s. thank you dear friend for sharing your thoughts for me to write it down. I hope the others who read will not love the idea of being love. But will actually love the person