I'll Wait.

Its been a month i haven't slept properly. Every day i would wake up giving a little thought over what to wear coz in the evening, after the  classes i had my retreat of meeting him. That was the only time of the day i would laugh heartily and do everything just being myself.
His being here was my only oasis in the desert, a soothing support which could make an oversensitive homesick 'mamma's girl' sustain 3000 miles away from home. He taught me every single thing i needed to know. He would take care of all my requirements just like my father, sometimes tease n play with me like my sister, fix all my gadgets like my brother, even prepare dishes for me sometimes better than my mother. He was a family. In the day while struggling dealing with my assignments, a part of my mind would long for the time i could be myself, when i would tell him the stories of the day and laugh at the expressions he always used to make me laugh. All seemed to be so perfect in that tiny fraction of the day.

Then the time to return hostel when i would wave him goodbye from the window of my cab. Seeing him standing there i would make out his lips saying 'stay strong' and me trying very hard to contain the overpowering impulse of my tears. He would call me just when my car would start moving and catch me crying no matter how hard i pretend to be laughing over something he said earlier that evening. I would hang up the call saying i would inform him when i reach. And just the time i am about to step inside my hostel hiding all my tears he would call again to assure i have reached. He knew every part of my soul. He knew me better than myself. He was a cure to all my pains. He was my sparkling guiding star in the darkest of nights. After coming back i would just sink into my bed trying not to think much and wait until the next day.

I was not counting the days coz i know it would make me weaker. Today is the day i never wanted to face. Yesterday night after having my retreat i came back loaded with tearful eyes and mind flooding with his thoughts. I was trying hard to tell myself that i am strong and everything will b fine and all happens for a reason. It was a very painful night knowing he won't be there tomorrow evening calling me to get out of the hostel. I won't be laughing like i did with him. I can't be my best. The feeling of being myself had to be buried somewhere deep inside me. I cried hard but made sure no one could listen. I slept sitting at the corner of my bed. The next morning i got up with a terrible body ache. I was already late and rushed to my class. After the morning session of classes he called me n told me to get ready to go to the airport with him. I went there to see him leave to Dublin for his studies. I was happy for him. I was eager to see him blend his anticipations and talents into fulfilling his dreams. But i was getting weaker thinking about how would i live without him. We were living in the same place for the first time in our 7 years old relationship but it seemed like it was since eternity and for eternity. I saw him leaving trying hard to save me from catching his tears. He had to be strong for me. But i could see his body getting numb while moving ahead. I placed my hands on his looked straight into his teary eyes and whispered 'be strong' the same way he used to tell me every evening. And i saw his beautiful smile although tears rolled down from the corner of his eyes through his cheeks and fell on my hands. I was chilled by the drop. I was lost. He left me finally after landing a soft kiss on my forehead. I am sitting in the airport. Not crying but feeling strange as my weakness got manifested in my strength. But unable to get up and walk again back to the place where my mind will be playing all the previous memories where he would be there but not in reality. After 1 hour my phone beeped breaking my series of thoughts as i felt a tingle of my own tears rolling down my cheeks. It was a call from him that he has boarded the flight. His voice was shaky but he managed to sound calm. He said get up now or u will be late for your evening class. I got up full of thoughts. Now i hear his voice in my dreams n reality all the same. I remember the last thing he said was 'see you soon'. I hope it  comes soonest possible.

Note: This one for you .. my sister. Be brave. ❤