I'm Still Alive

I can feel everything.
I can feel it, and I hate it.
I can sense that you're slowly slipping away.
Slipping from what we've built upon.

What once was a "Hey dude" is now only a "Hey"
What was once a "I'll see" is now only an "I can't"...
At least to me...
I don't feel special...not anymore.

I was told that you have your own life,
That I had to let go,
That a good friend should not be needy,
That a true best friend should support and give way.

I did it.
Every single time, of every single day.
I kept myself busy so I won't talk to you.
So I won't get in your way.

Maybe you're just busy.
And that I have no room in your schedule.
But she does.
She does.

No, I am not trying to make a point.
I am not jealous,
I am not hurt.
I just want to tell you that I'm still here, that my heart's still beating.

But all you have time for is her.
All you ever see is her.
I never hear the " Hey, dude, wanna hang out? " anymore.
Only the, "Sorry, I have a date."

I'm starting to get tired.
Depression is creeping up on me.
You once said that killing myself was a stupid idea.
But it's the primary idea that I only have as of now.

Talking to you was my medicine.
To keep me sane and not feel alone.
To make me feel that I still have a best friend.
To make me feel like I have worth.

I'm still here, dude.
My heart's still beating.
I don't know for how long, or until when can I control myself.
Maybe tomorrow, I am gone.