In my memories

          I just remember how we used to be friends. No... we know from the start that there is something between us. I love how I reminisce our memories! all the good times and lonely moments when I'm with you. All your messages and call, how I bit my lips just to control myself when I hear your voice through the phone. In my memories... until now, I keep them.

         Until now I have our pictures in my phone. I never dare myself to erase it because I'm afraid it might gone forever. I'm afraid that I might let myself to lose you even though I never have you. You're so special for me although I never had a chance to tell you my feelings.

          It hurts to realize that after all this time I was the only one who give colors in our moments. That every time I reminisce our memories it was like a lie because It's only one sided. It's hurts that every night when your face appears in my mind I need to close my eyes again and force myself to forget. It hurts that every time you appear in my messages I need to accept that it's only for a short time because you will be gone again. It hurts that I always feel like I'm only borrowing your time. It hurts knowing that I'm still in love with you but now you are with someone else.

         Until now even though I know we are hopeless and I should forget the feelings I have for you... Even though I'm starting to like someone else... I still have you in my mind. Because you'll always be my first love although you never know my feelings for you.

          If pain was caused by love why does it still taste sweet after the bitter taste?