Insane Fear of Losing You

You can love someone so bad and you'd still fear the day of losing them.

That's what I felt with you.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, I used to not believe in forever. But sometimes when I feel like you're slipping away from my grasp, I pray the heavens above for an eternity with you. I remember I used to tell you that when the time comes and you no longer want me to be a part of your journey, I beg for you to break it to me gentlyㅡtruth be told I was nowhere near alright with that proposal I made. It's just for the pain to lessen. Because losing you...

Means losing myself too.

Love, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Home wouldn't be the same when it's not with you. We can work this out, right? You won't get tired of me, right? Does your eyes still shine the same way it did when you first saw me? Do I still make you happy? Are my questions pushing you to be even more tired of me?

I'm sorry.

I overthink. My thoughts won't stop flooding in. I'm drowning yet everyone around me seems to be fine. It's suffocating. No one notices. People pass by. I smiled, but why? Do I have to put on a mask? Do I have to hide it from you? That everytime I feel the change in the tone of your voice or the flicker in your smileㅡ a part of me shatters inside, hoping you're not slowly growing farther away from me.

But we can't force our stars to align.

When the time actually comes, and we did everything to make it work but still end up hurting, I want you to know that I'm glad I met you. Even when our souls aren't destined to be until the end, I'm glad you passed by to show me what it feels like to be deeply loved by someone.

Before you go and walk away,

Spare me your time to give me one last hug with you, last kiss, last dance and last time for me to hear you say "I love you."

My Love, this is what it's like to have an insane fear of losing you.