It all started when i said...

“Tonight’s the night I won’t be longer alone. The lamp posts were blinking and the moon was gleaming. It’s clear that the universe is giving me a sign. No, not a sign, assurance. The universe is giving me assurance that this night would be the night where I will find what I seek for. As I grabbed my coat and tie, the thought of the fabric used, the touch of its’ velvety material made me confident, making me feel comfortable as I comforted myself with the words “it will be fine”. As I wore my tie, I almost choked because of my excitement. I got so overwhelmed with such joy that I wore it too tight.”

“You choked, you can’t breathe, you could’ve died.” A woman in a coat softly explained. 

“Don’t Overreact, I just got too excited and happy hearing the whistling wind, feeling the heat, listening to the birds chirp as I set my foot outside after a long time, there I was, ready to interact.” I said with a smile on my face as I went on with my story.

“So, I walked to the darkest streets, but there’s this strong light which blocked my sight and made me fell from my bike. So, I dropped everything then ran fast towards the restaurant, I told myself “no one can stop me today”” as I was telling this part of the story to the lady, it felt uneasy, she was so serious looking at me but despite of it, I continued my story,

“Then I parked my car, and I went inside the club. The people were quiet, with only whispers as sounds. There were lights flashing colors with different sequences, loud sirens that people dance to, then I wondered if will I finally find something different, there in the club.” I paused for a while as she asked me a question. I was a bit worried; she looks so shocked but also concerned at the same time, did I do something wrong in the story? 

“Uhm… in the club, the one where the sirens are playing, did you meet anyone there or did you encountered something?” she asked in a calm manner. I mean, does this woman like me? Why is she interested? Anyway, i answered her 

“No.” then I told her “Hours had gone and still, I have no one. But just when I was a bout to call it a night, there she was, I witnessed her beauty from afar with her hair that shines with the rays of sun, her lustrous eyes lucent in the dark, and a smile that’s brighter than the stars in the sky. I told myself “how can someone this perfect be isolated and unnoticed?””

“And what did you do?” she interrupted. 

“I went to her direction, walking slowly with the crowd around me fast pacing, no one still notices how magical she was. As I move closer to her, she distanced herself from me, I asked her “what’s wrong?” as she shrugged her shoulders while taking a step back. So I tried to enticed her, I told her “join me, let’s make this night memorable” but weirdly, she said “hold it right there, 3 feet apart at all times” I was confused, why does she refused to be close? But then I thought, maybe she was just afraid of getting attached and I understand that.” Normally, it’s hard for me to recall every detail of a scenario, but there’s just something about this one that makes me remember it so clearly.

“So, this certain someone in your story, did something else happened to her?” the lady in front of me laid out a huge sigh after asking me that question, I thought maybe she was bored with my story so, I told her the exciting part. 

“She left but came back. She went out with me that night, told me that she was looking forward for a magnificent time, but I did respect her deal, we were 3 feet apart at all times. We ran around the streets, watching the traffic lights change its colors as we listen to the echoes and ripples of the sea. She was a marvelous woman who appreciated every detail in life. It was a remarkable night indeed.” I said as I try to wipe off the happiest smile in my face. That night really meant something, so, I continued, “We paused under the luminous moon, I stared at her brown eyes and I was amused. With my heart pounding fast as my body was fueled with passion, I was tempted to end the night with a blissful kiss. I started to eliminate the spaces between us, I moved closer to feel her breath.” After saying this, I paused for a moment, fighting the tear that was about to fall out of my eyes.

 “what’s wrong? What’s happening?” the woman worriedly asked me.

 “I just remembered what happened next, and I can’t hold back my tears.” I told her as I softly brushed my eyes. “as… as I… I reached for her hair, it was then, I knew that there’s something wrong.” And then I burst into tears. 

The lady in front of me was kind and comforting, she handed me a tissue box and asked me if I wanted to go on. I do. I did. I wanted to go on. So I continued, 

“My hand slipped as if nothing was there, in just one blink she was just thin air. I looked around me to find where she is, but there were no sign of where she could’ve been. I ran as fast as I could to see if I can catch her, but then I passed out and now all I can be with is you.” I ended my story drying my tears because of the things I just remembered and felt, but then something much bigger happened, the woman in white started talking seriously that kind of startled me.

“I know that this is hard for you to hear but you need to know what’s going on so, I can help you and give you what you need” the woman sat closer in front of me, I don’t know what she was talking about, I didn’t want to know either, but I still asked her, 

“What’s going on? What do you mean?” I shouldn’t have asked, because what she told me next made me feel like I plunged my own heart and grabbed it all the way out of my body, it was a disaster. But she needed to tell me. 

“There was no party to begin with, you’re just an innocent person with a psychological problem and I am here to help you.” She said. I was not in the right mind to hear those words. But she still went on-

“The coat and tie you were talking about was a rope that you tried to kill yourself with, you were suicidal. The things you said about stepping outside for the first time is impossible, because you were homeless. The time where you said you were blinded by the light and fell from your bike? You ran towards a moving vehicle and then smashed it as hard as you could, you have an aggressive behavior. You said you walked, but you had a bike, but then you parked a car. You said it was night, but then there was sun, you have disorganized speeches.”

“What?” I shouted. 

“When you dropped everything and ran as fast as you could, you were running away from cops because of what you just did while screaming that no one can stop you. The place you thought was the club? The flashing colors that you saw? the sirens? It was lights and sounds from police vehicles when they dropped you off at the police station.” She wouldn’t stop.

 “No!” I was frustrated. 

“The girl that told you 3 feet apart at all times was a male police officer who was furious because of your violent behavior. You thought you left with someone when there’s actually no one. You ran out of the station to escape, thinking you were with a woman who was only a figment of your imagination. You were hallucinating the whole time. She vanished because she wasn’t even real from the start.” I paused. I was speechless for a moment. She was right, it was hard for me. It was really hard to hear this. I don’t want to hear it. but she was also right, I needed to hear it. I need to know what’s going on with me. 

“What’s going on with me? What are you talking about?” I tried so hard not to cry but I burst into tears as I asked that question. I was very clueless. But she then explained, 

“All of it was hallucinations created by you. When you thought you passed out, you were brought here to get you help. And I am here to help you with your disorder. All of this are signs.”

“signs of what?”

“schizophrenia.”