Just a Familiar Voice

"Wrong number," said a familiar voice.

I heard after answering a call in the middle of my dreamless sleep in the cold night.

I just never thought that I'll be able to hear that voice again.. the voice I seem to forget, the voice that was buried deep down inside my heart.. deep down my core.

I tremble as I remember his voice; my body trembles as I remember him. My sunshine, my sunshine that once made my life livable.

"Wrong number," says a familiar voice.

I heard again as it echoed over in my head.

My palms are shaken as if the temperature drops to -1000000 degrees Celcius. I might be collapsing any minute now, but amazingly, I did not think it's very predictable to my trembling form.

And yes, I froze to speak, yet I try my best to say anything, but I consumed every second or minute there, shakingly staring blankly and thinking what's the best word to say until,

Beep, beep, say the phone- It hanged up.

Left me all over again.

Yes.

AGAIN.

I know the truth. I understand that the voice wasn't just a familiar voice. It's like a key that fits perfectly along the in-hole part of locks. Its sharp and unique edges opened up the long-locked up space, a hole—an empty void with murky depth right within my being.. right within me.

And that made me very uneasy, probably unstable - literally. I dialed the number and pressed the call button, but as it connected to the line and heard the ringing of it, I suddenly felt debilitated as a white rose in the desert, withered by the piercing rays of the sun.

After the first three ringings, I eventually gave up. I pressed hard the end button I sighed heavily, and resentments and regrets started to fill me up. I cannot comprehend myself and as well as my feelings correctly. I do not know what to say exactly if he answered up.. though I know for sure that he wouldn't, so, for what is my dialing all about?! Ugh. I hate this moment. Am I still hoping that he'd be that interested in me that would even call me? After two years? After two long, long years? And now, I'm tucked here in my bed, sitting, then rolling, then lying down, then burst into waves of laughter then, tears.

I'm hopeless.

Or maybe, pathetic.