Let Go

You can let go of me now.

It's been a while and I sincerely hope you are doing fine. And if you are still not okay because of me, please take the time to read this.

You might think that I already forgot the very first time we met but no, I haven't. I can even remember the way your eyes smile at me while you're trying so hard to keep them open. I still remember the way you cringe after drinking your shot of beer, the way you speak with bluntness, the way you keep our conversations going. I remember the way we kissed so hard at my friend's house without worrying of getting caught. I can tell you everything about that night and how I wished to stop it from ending. It may seem that you don't come across my mind, but you do. You still do. And I know it goes the same way as you.

I know our memories still haunt you and they won't let you sleep almost every night. I'm really sorry about that. But please believe me that I didn't want each one of them to be the strongest caffeine your body could take. Each moment with you was intented to be a happy memory and not a nightmare you're trying to wake up from. The time I spent with you was supposed to be something I want you to look back with a smile and not with a heavy heart. I want you to remember me without tears, but with laughter, as you recall the stupid and reckless things we shared. We had such spontaneous yet beautiful moments together and I want to keep them like that. I don't want us to regret everything that happened because, believe me or not, it was one hell of a ride I won't ever forget. I will never forget you.

We knew that this day would come. We knew that fate and time will come like a storm we were warned about but still, we ignored the signs. We knew we had to say goodbye the next morning. We knew we had to wake up one day with distance stretching out so far. We both knew, but somehow it took a lot of courage to accept the inevitable things that were bound to happen.

It is not easy unlike how you still think it would be for me. I know you've been straining yourself to comprehend how it seemed so smooth for me to live like you didn't came into my life; like you didn't exist; like 'us' didn't happen. Please stop your assumptions and let me enlighten you about the truth I tried so hard to conceal.

I had to do it. I had to stop myself from asking how your day went and if you're okay or not. I had to stop myself from checking you at 2AM when I still see you online. I had to cut the ties between us because if no one does, we would keep going in circles with our what-if's and what-could-have-been's. I'm sorry but I had to let you go. I did it because it was the best I could give you after breaking your heart. I did it for us because it's already a losing battle. We couldn't make it in this lifetime. However, I'm still hoping that in another, maybe we finally could. Just not this time. I'm sorry.

So please, let me go. Let go of us. Let go of the you who loved me and still loves me. I know you think you can't, but I believe you can. You can let go of me and I promise things would get better anytime soon. Just let go.