Paano ko ba sisimulan...
Eomma, wala akong bisyo.
Walang masamang droga o alak o yosi ang hinanap ng katawan at kaluluwa ko. Hindi rin ako adik sa computer o kung ano pa man.
Pero siguro, ang maituturing kong bisyo, kung bisyo man sya, ay ang pagmamahal.
Hindi naman ako lumaking kulang sa pagmamahal.
Eomma, pinuno nyo nga ako ng pagmamahal diba? At labis labis ang pasasalamat ko dun.
Pero eomma, may iba rin akong mahal. At kung alam nyo lang kung gano ako nasasaktan pagka pinapagitnaan nyo kami.
Eomma, patawad kung iniisip nyong hindi kayo sapat.
Patawad kung sa tingin nyo pinagpapalit ko kayo kay Oneal.
Eomma, kung alam nyo lang kung gaano ako nasasaktan pumili sa inyong dalawa. Pero bakit ko kailangan pumili? Hindi ba pwedeng mahalin ko kayong dalawa ng sabay?
Hindi ba pwedeng pagsabayin ko ang lovelife at ang pag aaral?
Hindi ba pwedeng piliin ko kayong dalawa para walang nahihirapan at nasasaktan?
Eomma, oo. Mahal ko si Neal. Pero alam nyo namang mas mahal ko kayo at kung papipiliin nyo talaga ako, mas pipiliin ko kayo. Syempre nanay kasi kita.
Sa tuwing tinatanong mo ko kung gano kita kamahal, I just shrug or tatawanan ka lang pero eomma the truth is; I'm willing to give up my own happiness, even if it means not being with the person I really love, for you.
I thought about it a lot, eomma. And let me paint the picture for you:
Cutting ties with him means no communication at all. I'll be missing him (a lot) thus sudden sadness could hit me anytime. Mawawalan ng gana kumain, di makikisama sa bonding nyo, sudden tears etc etc. You know how I get sad and depressed naman.
Pero I'll be good. I'll be how you wanted me to be. Sige, I'll work hard para makagraduate and after that, pwede ko na mabalikan ko si Oneal, right?
Pero what if he's already found someone else. What if he treats her the same way he's treating me now; full of love, care, and just like his queen. He's not gonna cheat on her or look at any other woman anymore. He's not after her body but just shows how much he appreciates her through sweet gestures like chocolates and goodmorning quotes (Again, just like how he's treating me now). What if, once you've already allowed me to be with him, it's already too late. What if some other girl got the happily ever after I'm supposed to get.
And I know you'll say "there's tons of fishes in the sea" or "he's not the one for you then" and "you'll eventually meet someone better" but eomma...again, what if he was my happily ever after. And I no longer have the heart to start over again with some other guy.
I wanted my happily ever after to be with me for atleast 5 or 6 years before marriage to know him a lot more by heart. So if I start over with some other guy, chances are: I might be too old to have kids already or I might get into a marriage that I don't know much about my partner.
Do you see my point, eomma? Yes, mababaw sila pero in my point of view, they matter. And since it's gonna be my life and future, what matters to me is what's important.
What would cutting ties do for all of us? To assure you na hindi ako mabubuntis? To assure you na I'll graduate?
Eomma, graduating has always been a part of my dream. Isn't that enough reason why you should believe na gagraduate ako whatever it takes? And I already know how hard it is to have kids so don't you think I dont wanna have one as early as 19??
And if you're afraid of people knowing na I have someone special na, why care about what they'll say? Whether pamilya sila or not, it should not affect us at all kasi in the first place, did my relationship with Neal ever affected our bond??
Even with Neal around, I'm still your ate girl. I'll let you hug me and kiss me and I'll do the same with you. I'll tell you Iloveyou and buy you gifts and still priotize you over all.
Eomma, I keep secrets about Neal from you kasi I know how you'll react. I know na paghihiwalayin mo kami. Pero I tried opening up to you diba, and it gave me the best feeling ever. You supporting us made me happier than anyone.
Yes, we had our mistakes pero have you ever thought about us waiting for the perfect time to tell you (lalo na ung about sa depression ko kasi I don't wanna surprise you or get you worried and all).
Eomma, I wanted to be open to you. Happy kasi lahat pag ganun. Pero I'm always looking for the right opportunity. And now, wala nang right opportunity kasi sinasarado nyo ung bintana samin ni Oneal, kaya we can never be truly happy together kasi nga alam naming bawal sayo.
Nagegets nyo po ba ung web or chain of events etc etc?? Hahahaha
Pero going back,
Cutting ties, eomma, means nothing but heartbreak for us. And tbh, mawawalan ako ng gana sa lahat.
Oneal love me unconditionally. I can see the way appa looked at you and felt the same thing whenever he looks at me. He cares for me, a lot. He covers me up pagka nakikita nyang may tumitingin sakin ng iba. And he wants nothing more but for me to be okay and comfortable. Kaya kahit masakit, he's okay with me leaving him behind. Pero he doesnt wanna initiate nor push me away kasi hindi nya kaya.
Maniwala ka sakin eomma. Mahal ako ng taong yun. At hindi sya nanloloko or naghahabol ng kung ano ano kasi ramdam ko mommy, and mararamdaman nyo rin if you just give him a chance, na totoo lahat ng pinapakita nya.
"Kung mahal ka nya, hihintayin ka nya" I know you'll say this. Pero let me tell you, I won't let him wait that long kasi he deserve all the love that he could get. And kung hindi nya sakin makukuha yun, then I'd be glad to let him be with some other girl. He's gone through a lot. He's a soft puppy who deserves to be loved and protected. Kaya if I can't be with him throughout these years, then I'll let him free coz I dont want him caged onto something when he could already be, supposed to be, happy.
And, yeah. What if we don't work out tulad ng inaasahan nyo;
If that happens, then we break up. We'll have a mutual understanding na we deserve better and will easily let each other go. Pero that doesnt mean na we should let go now, kasi eomma masaya pa kami eh.
Iba yung feeling ng mag let go kasi di na kayo masaya sa feeling ng mag let go dahil ayaw ng iba.
Eomma, malaki na ko. Let me choose on what's gonna make me happy and I swear I'll still go through the path where I'll be successful. Let me be happy and successful at the same time. Pwede naman yun diba?
Let me fly, eomma. And I swear I won't love you less.
Please, eomma. Wag nyo na putulin communication namin. Di naman kami magkikita ng walang permiso nyo ee. Yun lang. Kahit yun lang. Pagbigyan nyo na kami please.