My indifferent Writer,
I entered a new coffee shop today .I do that frequently these days and ordered best coffee of the place wishing to find you somewhere sipping your favourite coffee ,bowed down eyes penetrating through the PC and typing your new story. I wish you were here and everywhere. Your presence was a moment of peace,even if it was short lived. I think we painted ourselves in transient words and you bit a graft of my heart ,telling me you wanted to read those words. Oh poet tragic where did you go? Not waiting for you but maybe lonely part of me is. My friends told me to beware of such a phase with you. Dark people, loners who get bored of bodies easily. Wait is that you or is it me.You're Another bread story that I want to munch on to end my late night cravings, you're that temptation that I ran out of once. You left so quick, I told you I love the transient ,now I guess you took that quote literally and left but I still leave the light on while sleeping wishing you would return back and tell me you'll stay this time.My balcony view is filled with your silence. I think this is too much to hold onto now.You asked me to tell you when I find my silence and then you created one by yourself but please don't make it so deafening that I bleed through my ears. Am I writing too much but you want words don't know ,they are never enough for people like us and communication is the solution to all misunderstanding but funny how ppl who thrive on words can fall out of them when they meet. Meeting you first wasn't always my choice but sending a long letter of allowing me into your life was always my plan. I was on the seventh heaven when you replied with one and since then my friends have been telling me that we looked more straight out of fan fiction. Look what they're right, we were a fiction after all. Maybe I shouldn't feel so strongly for people but I do, how do I change that. Can someone tell me the formula.
I never told you why I wanted you ,here it goes falling apart before made me fall into the trap of self- loathing and an so I vented out my frustration and chose the other way and on the different path it was you. Waiting there with your art for me or for whom, who knows.
I don't want to present myself as the victim here ,your side of story is something I would want to hear. But I feel more like a broken twig, so helpless that any pigeon would pick me up and use it for its nest. Wish that happens at least I'll be of some use. Last time I could feel something was when you used to tease me over how you were fascinated with someone who unlike other people is not crazy about junk but comes with palak paneer and kadhi chawal feels’. When you would read each word I typed and made sure to answer because in that moment that was all I needed. I always wanted you to speak up more but you shared a part of your life and then went blank though you never grew old of all the animal videos I sent to you .Strange , should I blame it on the phase I was in ,your lesser words even became big for me, your stories turned similar to sensational news like an explosive dynamite.But you're the mighty universe formed from explosions, so for you it was nothing new. I could Burst into sparkles for you and you would wish for black and white and that, for both of us , is just not right.
You were my only muse and my toughest poem,literally took me 6 hours to complete it. You quoted how a few things were similar between us and how it “makes us two” but I guess I fucked up the equation. I didn't know how to make a quiet person speak up not were you ready to open up. Hearts don't beat same like that,they need to sink in together like a perfect symphony and here I go talking about perfection when all my life I have loved flaws. But that's the problem with finding a match ,we expect the best for ourselves and maybe that I why I just can't get over your perfect flaws.One of my friends told me I will need more people in my life like you ,to finally find my salvation. Nomore do I Iook for one now.
You should not make anything your habit, well here's the consequence I held you so tight that the sand of the time slipped easily. You are nothing but a divisor in maths problem that divides the dividend into decimals and leave them.
Hark! I feel like them decimal digits. They can't be even read in total numbers, always read in single digits and now I know why.
The day you left with cold reply was the day someone chasing the good light captured me in his camera and for the past 16 days, I'm in it. And my friends think I am happy and forgot you but for me you became my December and I don't forget my Decembers.And today when you posted about your two new books and the fact that you're imprinting them under your name, I made sure to buy them the day they are launched because I want a piece of you always around me, be it in words.I will take them to another coffee shop, to smell you and remember your self created words like awwnised’ to reminisce you. Also your Awwnised can always replace mainstream blushing any day and I'll keep on finding it the cutest word and write you letters.
Always yours,
Vivacious writer.