Letter To Everyone Close To My Fragile Heart

Dear Closest-To-My-Heart,

You miss me you say and the fragile heart of mine cannot help but believe, because you matter. You matter more then I can put in my words. But please tell me what did you do to change the fact that you miss me. Did you bother to call and show your concern. You text me up saying I miss you, tell me what should I do about that? Drop a tear or two, Respond with an I miss you too text or be like aww how sweet. This is not happening in any manner.

I am helpless and I have lost all the strengths to hold on to you and believe that you really really care. Because this is not the very first time that it has happened to me. Time and again this has screwed my happiness. The 'they really love me' bubble gets burst. I am broken. Shattered. Yet again I start with a clean sheet and decide to be more cautious. But everyone knows how this idea never works. I slip and fall but tell me how do I stop believing that there is not a single caring heart in this world. How do I believe that there's no one who deserves a piece of my heart?

I believe that creating bonds and relations have turned to some sort of entertainment business. Okay so here it goes, she is too hard to get let's see where this goes. She is hard headed but emotional let's try to be closer to her. And what after that? Have this we are forever kinda people, the 'purani jeans' sort of who just fits and all those shit conversations for nothing. No seriously, all this for nothing but to leave you some day or maybe to send a text saying I Miss You Babe.

Honestly these I Miss You, I Love You and You Matter had lot more feelings and emotions attached to it. But now they do not make sense, at least not to me. They seem to me like a game. A game where the opposite person texts you up to get your temporary time and attention just because he/she is too bored from the usual. I am really sorry but I am not up for it. I do not in any stretch of imagination have the capacity to deal with short span relations which are not even relations actually. Game as I said. I suppose I took birth in a really wrong era. These games are the first step you know to survive in this gen and I belong to the traditional love team which hardly exists.

I don't yearn for love anymore. Earlier it used to crave and fascinate me like what hell amusing feeling it would be. But now I sure hell know that you cannot expect love. Not from your closest, not from your bestfriend and not from anyone else but family. Because my appetite is quite huge when it comes to love and not that I just take and gulp. I give, I give till it doesn't suffocate the other one. But well I have been blessed by the misers. They do not wanna give much or maybe their set standard of giving is too small for the tummy of my heart.

Am I allowed to blame? Maybe I am allowed but where to crib and complain. Nowhere. Because I cannot share this to humans because they have this habit of advising more then listening. I want to be heard not explained. I want to speak my heart out.

You may say that okay if that is the problem then go confront with the one person who has been bothering you because they would be close to me. Right, Absolutely right. Well I have done that earlier but it doesn't serve me good. Telling someone close to you that one particular thing is not fitting great between both of us is a nice idea. But telling again and again to save the relation is nothing but purely BEGGING. This is not ego saying but who would like to be a complain box tell me? Secondly if someone just keeps on justifying their actions everytime you say anything then what are you supposed to say other then Oh, okay? Nothing right.

I might sound like some unpleasent complain box kind of a person but that's not the truth. I am just TIRED maybe EXHAUSTED. I was and well I am one optimistic person who would not allow the negative things in her life. Just imagine how tough it gets for a positive positive person to believe that things aren't okay. I believe that I am the safe guard of all those relationship which I consider truly mine. Because all I do is try to save it from drowning and getting lost. But this safeguard is a human. It tends to lose hope trying to save every now and then.

I don't get it why my heart melts on your justification. Why that solid ninety nine percent part that believed it utter bullshit weakens on the one percent of love you try to show? I have so many unanswered questions but the only conclusion I get is that I should allow you in my life but not close to my heart. It's too fragile to get the I Miss You text again.

Maybe you deserve and maybe you're just as similar to everyone out there. If once you would have fought for this friendship, I would have allowed you in this fragile heart. But no this cannot happen but don't worry I won't love you lesser. I was just made like that. The type of person who won't allow you to the proximity but will give you enough love. The type of person who is hopeful that one day she'll receive the love that she deserved.

Yours,

Someone-Whom-You-Took-For-Granted