Maybe

One would never know the feeling that's kept within her heart, an emotion deep rooted and would never depart.  She regretted those moments when she have all the chance to share it to her friend and husband when he was still around.
Maybe,  she thought,   I'd be free from guilt and my sanity will still be able to function well but I preferred to remain silent about it all and this secrecy is haunting me while the memories of sin is killing me.
Maybe,  I should have talked it out with him about the situation and why it had happened and I know he would give me his utmost understanding for I perfectly knew he is a forgiving man and a loving husband.
Maybe,  I could have accepted the fact that it was all my fault to succumb to unforgivable mistake because I am weak and unstable and  my unrelenting  struggle against prejudice is vulnerable.  I'm a coward  and my cowardice brought me to where I am settled now, my hell.
I cheated you for a reason. For a very shallow reason that even the dumbest or the wisest couldn't comprehend. I cheated you just because I was lonely for a day.
Maybe, if I told you exactly how I felt that day when I woke up beside a stranger,  I would have felt your reassuring arms comforting me.  I would have felt your hands wiping my tears as I cried so hard and full of remorse. I could have opened up my heart and set the demon free,  yes free from drilling holes inside me and spare me from this disgrace of having you borne a child of a stranger.
Maybe,  I could have changed the course of life that instead of you leaving me I should have died. After all these  pondering and ruminating,  maybe  this is the course of life that is meant to be for me....maybe.❤