its not about the person who you miss at 3 am when you're alone and quiet and you have this surreal feeling of calmness that you never had before, but its about the person you think of when its 2 pm, you're busy, you're caught up with your work and you see something that just reminds you of all the memories that you thought you've finally forgotten the day before. no, I'm sorry to tell you, no you cant unlove that person, I don't know if that's even a word but this is the only thing that I've learnt in the past year, if you've truly loved someone, with your heart and soul, no matter what happens, no matter how much that person hurt you, you'll never not think about them. you'll miss them, yes you'll miss them even when you shouldn't. I know missing someone you shouldn't can really mess you up sometimes, letting go isn't something I was good at. moving on, not good at that either. its been, its been quite awhile that I've had a mental breakdown missing you, and I'm happy that finally, finally you missed me. that finally the thoughts that haunted me, haunted you as well.
that night, when we texted for an hour, you explaining and giving me a closure that you yourself said I deserved. you told me how hurting me, was like self harming for you. you told me, places, the places we went together, haunted you. you told me how you thought I am controlling your life and all you could do was leave, all you wanted was to leave though it was hard for you, you did. I was hurt, I was angry at you. I wanted to shower you with the anger with the most hurtful words that I've ever heard in my life, I wanted to, I wanted you to realise how much I've hated you for an year, but still loved you at the same time. you told me you loved me, you told me you still do. but you don't want to be a part of my life again, because you think you'll mess it up again, or to be more precise, you'll mess me up again.
I loved you, and I will never stop loving you, ever. though you hurt me, but I tried to understand why you did, and that, that my friend just proves how you'll always be a part of me, a part of my story. thank you, for loving me, and hurting me, because without you, I don't think I would have ever learned to move on. you said, you wanted to see me again, but you can't face me. you know how emotionally you destroyed me don't you, well, now, phew, I can finally say, keeping my coffee aside, I don't wanna be sad forever. I don't wanna go through that war, again. everything's gonna be okay.
I hope you, you wake up one day, one day and knock at my door, and I'll be there, there with your favourite chocolates, I hope that day, I make you fall for me all over again.
never knew friendships could mess you up more than lovers.