My Hope.

Before I start.You should know that you were the best thing that has ever happened to me and there isn't a thing I'd change about us. I promise to love you now and forever and i hope that someday i find the courage to confess to you.

It all started with a stupid request on Instagram.I know I shouldn’t have accepted a friend request from an unknown person. But there was something so compelling about him that made me press that “tick” option.

Let me backtrack a few months back to where it all started. I’m Sasha Fernando. An ordinary girl with extraordinary dreams.im usually the person who gives a damn about anything and to me, this thing called love? It’s just overrated. It was the month of March, 2016 and let me tell you about the weather in Chennai-bloody frigging hot! And I’m not exaggerating.

I was in doing my sixth semester in an engineering college. One thing about India though. You either do engineering or Medicine after your 12th grade or people will look at you like you crucified Jesus Christ or ate the fruit that Lord Ganesha and Murugar were fighting over. So there I was in a hopeless situation.

Apparently God decided to test me more. That year we had sports day.Yes, you heard me. (As if we weren’t suffering enough). But that was not the issue here.Oh no. My “beloved” HOD made me the vice captain of the green house girls team. Now you may ask what the big issue here is. See usually the final years get to be the captain. And being the senior they get to bully their juniors in all ways possible. So there was stuck doing all her work for her. And I can’t ask her anything either.

The only compensation? I got to bunk class and my attendance wasn’t affected.

It was the 21st day of the month and I was pretty exhausted after college because we had the throw ball finals that day and sports day was on the 23rd.We lost. It didn’t bother me though. I was just happy to have been a part of it. I took a short shower after I got home and fell on my bed. My legs felt like lead. That’s when it happened. My phone vibrated indicating that I had a notification. I checked it only to find that I had gotten a follow request.

I didn’t know what came over me. It was as though I knew him from somewhere. Like our souls had an eternal connection that is just unbreakable. As cheesy as it sounds, I felt like going, “where the hell have you been all along?” .As soon as I accepted his request my inbox flashed. Boy was he fast.

“Hey hi” it read and I knew he was trouble. I replied with a simple “hey”.I don’t remember putting my phone down after that. All my fatigue flew out the window and it was a world where only he and I existed. I put my phone down only when it reminded me that it was running on a low battery. I charge my phone only once but after we met it was like my phone was permanently connected to the charger.

As our conversation continued got to learn more about him. We both had a passion for reading. He was a viscom graduate now a photographer and a cinematographer. And he was a charmer! Just his words had me swooning. Plus his beard wasn’t helping much either. We became good friends in no time at all.

Instagram messages became whats app calls. And our playful banter turned into flirting. We shared the same taste in movies, favorite actors.

It was around midnight, a month after we met “virtually”.

He confessed that he was interested in me. That he wanted to be with me but he wasn’t ready for a commitment. He wanted to achieve a lot in his life and a commitment was just a distraction. To be honest I felt the same. Because I didn’t want to be stupid, get into a relationship, have fun and then break up.

He was being honest with his feelings and it was only fair that I returned the favor.But I couldn’t. I’ve been hurt in the past. I didn’t want to be rash. So I asked him to wait.

Did I mention he was a charmer? I started calling him Casanova because of it. The next few days were like living in one of those Disney movies. Where the princess falls in love with her prince charming and the prince gives his princess whatever she wants. And I couldn’t resist his charms. I told him that I wanted him too.

Months passed. Though we lived in the same city meeting each other was a huge challenge. Mostly because of my college timings or due to his shoots. Besides he would never miss work because he is just in love with his profession. A true artist I must say.

But after a lot of trials and errors we met. Even though it was only for a few minutes he was worth the wait.

Green shirt, Black pants, shoes and a pair of geeky glasses. Straddling his bike with his ruffled hair and a tired face. Anybody would say that he needed a good night’s sleep. But to me he was the most perfect thing I had ever laid my eyes upon. All those pictures he sent or uploaded didn’t do any justice. After that day ,I was sure of one thing. Something which I was refusing to accept.

I was falling for him and I was falling hard.

Third year was done. I was now a final year student. One more year and I’ll be moving on to a new phase in life.

Any relationships would have its ups and downs. So did ours. We had a huge one. I was frustrated that I couldn’t spend much time with him. And though we had a lot of disagreements over it before this time it went up a notch. It went on for a week before he called it quits. He told me he had nothing to with me anymore and these seven months between us was just a big mistake.

I knew he only liked me. So walking away was an easy task for him. But to me it felt like I was fighting for a lost cost.

Thirty days I survived. It was as if when he left he took the essence of my life with him. Actually he was the essence to my dull and boring life. He used to make sure I went to bed smiling.No matter what difficulties I faced, he was there to turn that frown upside down.Ironic,he took that smile away all together.

Bloody Instagram played its part as cupid again.

I uploaded a picture on Instagram. It was almost more than a month since we stopped talking to each other.

There was a new notification. He had liked my picture. One moth of no talking and no replies to my texts he likes my picture. Who does he think he is? King Joffrey? To do as he pleases?

I texted him to give him a piece of my mind. I think you can guess what happened next. The second he replied it was as though all my anger and frustration took a vacation.They were all gone! He wasn’t the same as before though. He maintained a distance was upset because of it but wasn’t going to complain. Losing him once was enough.

It’s been ten months since he came into my life. And if there is one thing I learned from him it was this: Live a life that brings you happiness and do only what you love.

I’m in my final semester as I write this. Nothing has ever changed. He still remains aloof. I’m still in love with him.

But one thing is for sure: As long as he is around, I would never lose hope.