My Thoughts

There will be times when you have to admit that you are not okay and you haven't been for a long time.  And you cry it out for as long as you need to.  I think there's nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes we get hurt by people we thought would never cause us any pain. But they do, they break our heart and the trust we had in them. They are the ones we love deeply and genuinely.  The ones we never thought,  even in our wildest dreams, would caused us any pain.  But they do;  and many times intentionally to show the power they have over us. They under estimate us on how much we love them.

Someday we will forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us pain.  We will finally realize the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. After all what matters is not the first but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race so,  you can love all over again.

If your heart hurts a little after letting go of someone or something, that's okay.  It's just means that your feelings are genuine.  No one likes ends and no one likes pain. Not every new beginning is meant to last forever and not every person who walks into your life is meant to stay.

"In life, friendships change,  separation happens, people move on, others die.  Money and jobs will come and go. Live long enough and your health and body will change.  It goes with the territory of being  human. Don't look back,  look straight ahead.  Decide to use all your knowledge and skills and experience and your life lessons from your mistakes, defeats and setbacks,  to start over again.  Life changes. You may not have the same life as before,  but you can still enjoy your life. "

My best friend for me? Moon of my sky. Precious piece of my heart. Unlimited package of my enjoyment. Weirdest creature of my world.  Solution giver of my problems.  In short my secret keeper, reason behind my smile, love of my life and my soulmate,  I love you.
I miss you so much, every hour of the day. And you know what the worst part was? I miss you not out of reason but out of habit because I wanted to tell you something or because I wanted to hear your voice.  And then I'd realize that you weren't there anymore, and every time it was like having the wind knocked out of me.
If you ask me how all of this started well, I just don't know and that doesn't matter now anyway. What matters is we are what we are. I can't forget that. I can't pretend that you don't exist when it was you who showed me... I exist

But I have to let go of the feelings I have for you. I have to stop admiring you, adoring you, and even loving you with my whole heart.  I have to because I can't take it anymore.  I'm tired of all the mixed signals you gave me.  Im tired of staying up all night wondering what I did wrong to deserve this from someone I did nothing wrong to.  I'm tired of listening to sad songs and weeping through out.  I'm tired of all the nonsense conversations that only happens once in a while. I'm tired of being just the girl whom you'll talk to when you're bored. I'm tired of your ways, ways to get into my pants.  I have had enough of your baggage.  I have to let you go now.  I need to.  But I can't find it in myself to do so.

And now  after everything, I know there's a reason I am here beyond what I can see, in pursuit of bold courage on the adventure of my journey.

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kakai
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