Nakul & Prachi

Two months had passed and Nakul was still trying to change, much of his resolutions and promises he noted on New Year’s Eve had evaporated into thin air. He was only to blame himself or so he thought. Now unlike many in his circle his life wasn’t a complete mess but when he stepped into the office, he couldn’t help but wonder what today’s day might bring, no matter how much he planned and tried to organize, a last moment change would always throw all his efforts in vain leaving him with little time to get things back in order. His senior was busy in another project and had given him the upper hand to set things in place as per his sensibilities. Nakul looked forward to this but the small tangible thread of chaos would always get the better off him. With time he began realizing that this work wasn’t rocket science and clear communication and following up on important things would sort the majority of thing, but something was amiss, he often felt like a part of his soul was being taken away amidst the daily rut.

Nakul has diligently spent last three years working but his salary was meagre, though he didn’t have pressure from home, but the way in which he used his days always left him feeling shallow and incomplete. He wanted love, a relationship, someone to cuddle with and go back to after a long day of work. He has never been with a girl and in his own mind he concluded that maybe that day was getting further and farther away. In another month he would be 26 and that worried him the most. Time was passing by, life was passing by and he can’t let the definition of his life limited to mere smoking and lazing around though those are the things he had grown to enjoy and thus looked forward to. In his office his eyes would be in continual search of a gaze to hold onto, mostly he looked for that girl, whose name he scouted from facebook – Prachi. She worked in the same office but the two were in different teams so rarely would get a chance to strike a conversation.

There were days when seeing Prachi was the only motivation he needed on a mundane Monday morning to get out of bed and look forward to work, hoping to be a better person today. He would then try neither to smoke up nor to think lowly of himself. As soon as she passed by in those narrow corridors his heart would beat faster and eyes would light up. A mere 15seconds of gaze would leave him with enough content to spend the rest of the day. Sometimes he wished for them to somehow work together and get to know each other. But then he thought if the distance between two reduced will he still eagerly seek her presence. He knew he would but he wouldn’t accept that openly. Prachi once asked him for a favour which he returned joyously. That was the only time they spoke. Much of their story played out in gazes and unspoken silences which the two started sharing. Nakul often wondered if she thought about him too.

Nakul never considered him even a half decent looking man. To him he was obese with a pouch hanging from belly and this destroyed his confidence majorly, to others he was a person who was impulsive, kind and resorted to overthinking. On the other hand, Prachi wasn’t without her flaws but none could be identified by Nakul from such a long distance, so to him she was beautiful and pious, something one protects and takes pride in. There was something about her, whenever passing through the corridors their eyes met, he was overtaken by this strange familiar feeling like he knew her from before, like he has been waiting for her to turn up for the good part of his life.

In between there would come a period of couple of days when either of them didn’t show up in office, so there would come a time that Nakul would deliberately make up reasons to go to places where she was expected, in the outer lobby, near the pantry, near the printer etc. Nakul would often get sad on not being able to see her and a strange emotion overpowers him then, his agitation would soon turn into self-doubt and he would harshly judge himself to the point he felt hurt and alone amongst the people he was usually surrounded with. But when the night cools off he would again sleep with a hope that something magical will happen the next day.

Now Prachi was on the outset appeared to be a jovial sincere person who greeted the people by their names and a warm hug. Nakul on the other hand would forward his hand for a formal hand shake on meeting someone, more than often a slight nod and hello would suffice. But something inside him was changing, new thoughts and desires were stemming in his mind. He began pondering on a time (though only in his imagination) when the two of them would be together by a stroke of luck, what would we talk about, will there still be silence, will there be any touch… He wasn’t confused in between infatuation or love, it was beyond that, it was deeper than that.

Nakul had never been with a girl and on the outside, he boasted about how it was his choice, but the reality differed. He didn’t have one single female friend whom he could call and speak to and at the same time he was a firm believer that girls were absolutely necessary in your circle if men wanted to grow and evolve as beings, there are some things which only they can bring out in you – the sense of aesthetics, balance, design, sensitivity. A girl would try to go a level deeper in the conversation whereas the male friends would pass it off with a laugh and half-thought statement. Though he respected girls and cared deeply about them, his own life had only a few of them – primarily his mother and then three of his acquaintances with whom he studied or worked. He didn’t share a equation with any of them where he could just call them up and ask them to meet and just sit together and ponder about the pointlessness of this life, how fickle the universe is, about how in this well connected world the hearts are emptier than ever before, how people were scarred and had no one to talk to. Many a times he wanted to smoke up with a girl and then lay down in her arms drifting to sleep as he complained about the oddities of his existence. But he never found a person to execute those moments with. Surely there were chances, but few and far in between.

This brings us back to Prachi, the face running on Nakul’s mind from the last two months. He sincerely looks for chances where the two can start the conversation at least ask each other’s name and then maybe connect on Facebook and chat and take things ahead from there. He could just walk up to her and begin talking but that would be a very out of character thing for him, he was never that kind of person. For things to really work they have to happen organically. One more part of this whole equation which worried him the most was what Prachi felt. Another day passes by, she didn’t turn up to office. He went back and broke the promise of never to smoke, preparing a thick blunt and lighting it while going through her Facebook page. He slept going through her timeline, looking at her pictures. The place where they were finally together were just in his dreams. Amidst the uncertainty and chaos he peacefully drifted to an island where it was just the two of them, he finally held her hands and rested his head on her shoulders.