listen, trust me. she is just a friend, and we were just chatting and you should really stop overreacting. stop being so obsessed and irritating. just leave me alone now.
I did what he told me to do, left him all alone. packed my bag, and ran as far as I could.
let me just start over i guess.
I met him in a house party. I never knew, i would end up in his arms that night. he was so adorable, so charming i could hardly resist. I guess thats the reason why i can hardly resist now as well. things were perfect, life was becoming more and more beautiful with him as each day passed by, i fell deeper. little did i know, only I fell deeper. I moved to his place very soon, we were the happiest. wanna know why i said "were"? well it all started, it all started when he started forgetting things, started ignoring, started taking everything or granted, started to hang out with new people and forgetting i exist.
I felt terrible about myself, i thought i was not pretty enough to keep a man, maybe thats the reason why he is acting this way, i tried everything, everything but nothing worked. I ignored all the guys for the guy, who took me for granted.
I saw him kissing the girl, he claimed to be just friends with. i wanted beat the hell out of him right there, but I felt for that very moment, i felt my body stuck, i couldn't move, I couldn't say anything, my body was not in my control. I saw him playing with her hair, kissing her as he touched her back, and pulled her closer towards him. and I, I just stood there feeling helpless, as a tear rolled down my cheeks, following another and another.
I just couldn't, couldn't digest what i just saw.
and those were the words when i confronted him about her, which you read in the beginning. I just couldn't stand in front of him anymore. I packed my bags, and ran as fast as i could as if i was running for my life. I heard him screaming my name, but i didn't stop. I took the bus, and i was back where it all started. it was my house party, i unlocked the door and stepped in. few minutes later, there was someone at the door, it was him. i don't know what happened to me, what anger was all over my head, i slapped him as if this was the last thing to do in my life, with all the energy i had, i pushed him, screamed and yelled at him, and all this while i could see, he was shocked to see me like this. you know, when you can't digest it anymore, you just puke it out in the most severe way, thats what happened with me i guess.
and then, i broke down at my door, i was there lying and crying and screaming as the memories just flashed in front of my eyes. he just stood there, stood there as if now he was paralysed. he didn't know what to do, the whole night, he just stood there. watching me bursting out my pain, which i held for months.
it was 3am now, he took me inside, made me a cup of coffee, and he didn't say a word. as if he was dead, or he was ashamed of himself. he lowered his eyes, stood there, in my room. and he could barely look into my eyes, i could feel he wanted to cry, but he was just holding it inside. and just as i was about to say something, he said in his most sensible tone, I'm sorry. i sipped my coffee, stood up, and didn't listen to my heart this time. i looked him straight in his eyes, and with the strongest voice i had, i said, " I'll not go back to what broke my heart ".
I asked him to leave, he didn't. he said sorry, and all that stuff i always wanted to hear from him, at one point i thought of going back to him. but then, at that very moment, my eyes went to my mom's picture hanging on the wall. a women, who forgave her lover a thousand times, and suffered all of her life. I remembered her getting beaten up, and accepting the sorry next morning. those childhood dark memories, I thought will leave me, just flashed in my mind as if everything was repeating in front of my eyes. I don't know what came into me that morning, I have always been a shy person who rarely scream, but that morning. that morning, I was crying a river, as i said him to leave in the most violent way I ever did. I threw things on him, I was hurt. I was in pain, but this pain was easier to bear than the pain he gave me everyday. he looked at me, as if I was not me anymore. he just stood there for a moment, and then he left. you must be thinking, I should have given him a chance, wanna know what happened later? an hour later, yes just an hour later, I saw him hanging out with that same girl, posting pictures on social media.
I could feel the feeling of not feeling that pain anymore, after an outburst of me screaming and crying, what else can you expect from me. I stood up, cleaned the mess and cooked for myself. for almost a week, I didn't step out of my house. for him I almost left all of my friends, so i was at my lowest.
so it all started, me being shy and not so expressive. now when i look back, i don't feel bad for myself, i feel ashamed of being that person who hardly mattered in the room. well now you ask, now I am happy with this gentlemen i have, its been a few months and i already feel like forever. i never knew, i deserved to be treated like this. so to all the ladies and girls out there, YOU ARE A TREASURE, AND YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE A TREASURE. TRUST THE PROCESS, AND ALWAYS, ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR WORTH.
I write all this as I am sitting beside him, adoring how destiny plays its game.