The Night Before The Wedding

I wrote this story for my friends who just got married. 

#PaapsVana - I wish you both happiness, joy, and all the love in the universe.

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Tomorrow is the Wedding. The BRIDE - also known as the 'DULHAN' in Indian culture - is sitting in her room on her sofa. The time is 2 am. Everyone else is asleep. She's completely alone, probably for the last time. Her clothes for the next day are hanging from customized hangers - four in total, in the chronological order she's supposed to wear them tomorrow.

The GROOM - also known as the 'DULHA' - is sitting on the bed in his room. The time here is also around 2 am. Although he is surrounded by four of the closest people in his life - his brother, and his three best friends, all of whom are merrily inebriated - he doesn't feel like he's a part of this group right now. His mind wanders, and no one notices. 

Here's what the Dulhan and Dulha are thinking tonight, the night before her Wedding. 

Side-Note: If you would like to visualize this self-conversation experience shared by these two people, imagine this: a stage split in the middle, on the left is the Dulhan in her world, and on the right is the Dulha in his. Between them is a wall, made of nothing...and everything. Why? Because this wall is as imaginary and as real as the person on either side of it.

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DULHAN

24 years in this house. Is tonight the last time I can call this my home? When does it start to feel alien? I remember the first time I walked into this house. I was 10. And super upset because I did not want to leave my grandparents' house. I was so mad at my parents for dividing our family.

Family. Huh.

I'm going to have a new one tomorrow. 

DULHA

I'm happy. This is what that happiness feels like, right?

DULHAN

I'll be sharing a room from now on. I've never done that. 

Oh god, I'll have to share a bathroom. He's never seen the 'before' or 'after' version of me. There is going to be a steep learning curve on the honeymoon...

DULHA

 Is it weird that I'm not thinking about never being with another woman? 

Wait, now I am.

No no no, I'm not. 

Finding, asking out, dating, understanding, and marrying another woman sounds exhausting. 

Focus on your future wife, idiot. She's more than enough for you.

DULHAN

He isn't giving up much of his life. Not as much as I am. For him, it's more of an adjustment. 

I hope he knows that. Or at least respects it. I mean, he better acknowledge it. 

He will. I know he will. He already does. Then why am I doubting it all of a sudden?

DULHA

I haven't spoken to her all day. We're both been so busy, it takes hours to even reply to a simple text. I can't even remember the last time we had a normal non-wedding related conversation. 

I miss her. Even though I'm marrying her tomorrow, I miss her. 

Oh man, what's this gooey feeling?

DULHAN

I can't believe I'm anxious. I really thought I wouldn't be one of those brides that has weird tantrum moments for no reason and people just write it off because well, I'm the "bride".

Come to think to it, I haven't freaked out during this entire ordeal.

Between dress fittings, shopping, planning, invitations, dinners, dance practices, and hours and hours of standing in front of a mirror with 10 people surrounding me at all times - where is the time to freak out?!

One thing's for sure - I've mastered the art of barbie-smiling.

DULHA

My friends are joking that from now on I'll have to "okay" all my plans with her. That it's assumed that all my nights are by default with her, and if they need to see me, I'll have to "okay" it with her first. 

I say - so what?! How is that bad? I have a date for life! And she's a wonderful human being. It's quite reassuring to know I never have to eat another meal alone. Obviously, I'm not going to say that out loud because these idiots will just laugh at me. 

I'll whisper it in her ear tomorrow. I always wondered what the bride and groom keep on whispering to each other during all the ceremonies...now I have a topic of discussion! 

Shit. I'm excited about something so lame. What is happening to me?!

I must be tired. I should stop drinking. I don't want to have a hangover tomorrow, on top of everything else. 

DULHAN

I hope he doesn't drink too much tonight. Should I text him to take it easy? 

(reaches for her phone and starts typing) 

Wait...he's probably with his friends, if I say this now they'll think I'm already controlling him. 

He knows better than to be hungover on our wedding day. 

He'll be smart about it. I hope.

DULHA

I hope she ate something. She's been worried sick (literally, haha) about fitting into all those larger-than-life-but-tighter-than-atoms clothes. 

Self-note: don't whisper this hilarious joke to her tomorrow. It's not worth it.

I just don't get why she has to not eat, but I know better than to ask her that question. It's not like it's her choice. Doesn't she have to wake up in three hours to start getting ready?! 

It's just insane what all stuff she has to be worried about during this entire fiasco, and on top of that she has look like a Victoria's Secret supermodel every waking second. 

I hope she knows I don't care if she doesn't look picture-perfect and skinnylicious all the time - even if it's in a dress she's only going to wear for one day of her life.  

I just hope she ate something. 

DULHAN

I'm going to eat something. Screw this size zero bullshit. 

(takes a bite of a burger, talks with her mouth full) 

I'm going to eat so much on this honeymoon. It's going to be a weird mix of gross and sexy. 

(takes another bite) 

Part of the pretty package, baby!

DULHA

When did this wedding become so big? A year ago I didn't even know this woman. For something that started with just a simple phone call, this eight-day extravaganza seems so unreal, and...unnecessary?

No, no, don't go down that road. She'll sense it.

DULHAN

It feels like I'm about to say something super cheesy -- but let's face it, this whole week has been butter-crusted cheesy -- but it feels like we just met yesterday! 

I mean, not literally, like those archaic arrange marriages. 

But is a year really enough time to know someone...enough? He was so shy and cute on that first phone call, he could barely get the words out...

(imitates him) 'hey...are...are...are you busy tomorrow?' 

Hahaha...my smart idiot...

DULHA

I think she appreciated the honesty in my opening line on the phone that day. 

'Cause, come on, what woman would say no to my charming and confident self?!

Wait. Why am I exaggerating what happened? No one can hear me. And she probably saw right through that put-on charisma. 

Truth is, I got lucky. I fell for her right on that first date. Who wouldn't?

I waited six months to pop the question to make sure she had enough time to find the 'yes' I wanted her to say.

DULHAN

I've been planning this wedding for five months. It was like a whole project - along a giant can't-be-changed deadline, with a big metaphorical counting-down-clock and everything. So much work! 

DULHA

Sooooo much work. And instead of just celebrating all the hours we put in to pulling this off...

DULHAN

...He and I will just be sitting around and walking around and waving around like robots, while all our friends and family get drunk...

DULHA

...This is the first baraat where I will be sober. Wait, this might be the first wedding where I'll be sober!

DULHAN

...I guess we'll see what the fuss is all about...

DULHA

...I wonder if it'll be like going to Vegas and not drinking. So much weirdness - people dancing for hours, hugging strangers, hooking up with strangers...

DULHAN

All this insanity, the partying, the whole "jashn"...just for me and him. Why do we start off the rest of our lives with such a big bang?

DULHA

I mean, if you want to celebrate anything in such grand fashion, celebrate the first anniversary --- "YAY! WE CAN STILL STAND EACH OTHER DESPITE OUR UNIQUE PERSONALITIES AND IMPERFECT COMMUNICATION STYLES! LET'S KEEP TRYING TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! WOO-HOO!"

DULHAN

Where are we supposed to go from here? Everyone keeps telling me, "this is the happiest day of your life"...

So, is this the peak of my happiness? 

DULHA

...because I really don't want a post-wedding emotional-hangover. I hope she's okay with being a wife after being the bride...

DULHAN

I mean, sure, obviously I want to be the greatest, most beautiful bride this world has ever seen, but I'm equally excited to be the best wife. I mean, they are both quite close in priorities...

That was the whole point of this, it just seems to keep getting lost in the loudness of it all...

DULHA

Husband. Who the hell came up with that word. I've never been called that. It just sounds like noise. And it will be my title tomorrow. Yay. 

At least it's better than being 'engaged'. Why does it mean the same thing as 'busy'? So boring. Mechanical. Unemotional. 

I can't wait to stop being engaged, and I definitely can't wait to be married to this girl...

DULHAN

There's just so much going on in my head that I can't even verbalize, and there isn't anyone to talk to...no one can relate to what I'm feeling...and no one really has the time to ask me how I feel. And even if they do...I can't really say anything real. It's like asking someone you run into 'hey, how are you?' and that person replying with a proper response about their cat dying and the emotional rollercoaster it's been. 

Yes, in my analogy that person is a sad, old, single woman. 

Probably alternate-me if I didn't find him. 

Come to think of it, I'm glad I found him. 

DULHA

My friends who are married don't want to talk about it for cryptic reasons, and my friends who aren't married can't understand it...so who do I talk to about what I'm feeling right now? 

The only person I knowwho is going through the exact same thing is her...but I can't just call her and blurt out this stuff. If it was anything else, I would just talk to her. 

But how do you talk to your fiancé about pre-wedding anxiety without freaking them out? What if she's completely fine and merry, and my 3am-stupidity ruins her night? I can't do that to her. 

I'm the guy, I'm not supposed to think this stuff. 

At least not outwardly. 

DULHAN

What time is it? 3 AM!! Shit. Why can't I sleep?! 

DULHA

I can't sleep. Maybe she's awake too...what is she thinking about?

DULHAN

I should text him...see how he's doing...

DULHA

I should call...just to check up on her...

DULHAN

I want to say so much to him...

DULHA

But I'm so exhausted, I'm worried I'll say some of this anxiety-fueled crap to her...

DULHAN

I mean, this pre-wedding anxiousness is normal...we can't ignore the huge deal this event is to everyone...

DULHA

It's like we've been setting up this huge dominoes toppling knockdown thing - is there a word for that thing? - and they started falling pretty much at the same speed as we were setting them up...and we've just been trying to stay one domino ahead...and now we're at the final stretch...

DULHAN

I just don't want to mess up anything at the last second...

DULHA

I wish I could borrow some relief from my two-days-in-the-future-self, because that guy is married to a beautiful, smart, loving woman. 

(takes out his phone)

I just want her to know that before we dive into this...

DULHAN

...I just want him to know I...

Her phone rings. It's him, obviously.

DULHAN 

(on the phone) Hey.

DULHA 

(on the phone) Hi.

DULHAN

What's up?

DULHA

Nothing much. Just wanted to ask you something.

DULHAN

What?

DULHA

Are you busy tomorrow?

They both share a tired, anxiety-reducing, happy laugh. 

DULHAN

This...all of it...it's getting heavy, right?

DULHA

Yes...it sure is...

DULHAN

But I'm okay. Almost. 

DULHA

Hah, almost is good enough.

DULHAN

Although, there was this one thing that I think you should know...

DULHA

Really, well, come to think of it, I wanted to get something off my chest too...

If you were imagining this conversation in the stage format I mentioned at the beginning, this would be the moment they both stop looking at you (the audience). Instead, they turn and look right at each other, as the wall between them disappears. They walk towards each other, and right when the distance between them is gone, they look at each other and  ---

DULHAN

Really, what is it?

DULHA

Promise you won't laugh? 

DULHAN

You know...I'm about to make a pretty big lifetime promise in a few hours...

DULHA

I love you.

DULHAN

I love you too.