to the people who hurt me, thanks for giving me content for my future interviews xD
I woke up today, and didn't feel alone. didn't cry, didn't cry last night, so now I can say, phew, finally, that you, you my friend lost your power to control me. never felt so strong and in power tbh. I feel like to go out on dates with myself, go out and shop things i've been wanting. its not a compulsion, but my choice.
at one point you realise that its not the misunderstandings but the character of that person, to never appreciate efforts, to dominate others, and call it being savage. humble, I'm gonna be humble and show them how to win at life :)
so to anyone, who's going through this as well, too caring they called you right? their lost let me tell you. they'll never find someone who gave their all to them when they had no one. I know, i know it hurts. it will for sometime. but then you'll realise that whatever happens, happens for good. im happy, never been this happy, I woke up early today, went for a walk, and never appreciated life this much. no matter how many people hurt you, listen to me, you have you! and that's your power.
I lost someone last year, it took me 12 months, 12 months of my life to come out of it and then, the moment I felt the presence of someone who felt like home, betrayed me. I came out of it as well, this time it didn't took me this long, but I just began understanding why, when the person, I gave my all to left me as well and called me the most beautiful word in the world "annoying". I cried, I cried for the whole night, I didn't sleep for two days, thinking, why, why am i like this. why do people always leave me, the people I do so much for, and what I get in return, tears?
well well, its their loss, they lost someone who genuinely cared for them. I decided, to not be this clingy, to not be this annoying anymore, to not do soo much for people, I started fearing people, but what I've realised now, is that, just because few were blind to see your efforts, doesn't mean you'll change yourself. this is the way I am. I am caring, I am humble and kind. I am like this, I will be like this. its their loss, not mine. I lost someone who just knew to shout and scream at me for little things. they lost someone who was their for them all the time
i remember when I use to lose sleep just to listen to you, I remember when I saved money for 4 months just to get you a gift and a cake for your birthday, and let's not forget you never even considered that, I remember when I used to walk in the sun to see you, because you weren't doing good those days. and I have plenty of thins to count as well, but those weren't favours, those were my decisions, my choices, my love for you. you did things for me as well, and I remember each and everything you did for me, i appreciated your each little effort for me, but the thing is, YOU DON'T AND NEVER DID. I remember, when you felt unwanted, i was there, i was there to assure you that I will never leave you.
I never called you clingy when you used to ask me again and again that you wont' leave right, I promised I won't. but you eventually did.
I love you, and that's my power to love people. not my weakness.
I love you and i let you go, this time, for myself
because I gotta love myself, more than I loved you.
so to the person, who thinks im annoying, bye have fun with your "not at all annoying" real friends.