I don't know what to feel anymore. My mind shifts endlessly between harmony and chaos. An unending change of reality leaving cracks and holes like an old building falling apart inside out. Places I see in my head, faces, colours, pain, suffering. Flashes of blurred images, unrealistic scenes of fantasy, moments that never happened, moments that did happen. A concealed beauty in a bleak and grim void. The painting of madness. Is that it? Have I gone mad?
The people. They're laughing. Smiling, singing... eating. Eating each other. Each other's words. Each other's personality. Each other's life. Leaving only bones behind. Walking skeletons. But the people, the eaten ones. They eat their own bones too. Licking, chewing, every part, every sinew, every sides. Everyone eats everyone everyday. I wonder what it tastes like? The flesh they swallowed. They know it's poisoned yet they keep eating. Eating every last bit like pigs. Gluttons.
My ears bleed. But it's not just blood. It's more than blood. It's bleeding every last part of me. My mind. My mind slipped through my head. Through my ears. It's bleeding out my sanity. Is that it? Have I gone mad? I can't hear a thing now. Not even my name, my voice nor my heart. But as my ears bleed, they also speak. They're speaking, whispering. They're whispering... lies. Lies. I can't think. Lies? I couldn't care less now. Let it bleed. Let it whisper words that were my truths. I couldn't care less now.
I'm sinking. Sinking slowly. Slowly into an unknown place. In my hands are forgotten memories. Shards of moments passed. Moments forgotten and moments I forced to forget. I'm slowly letting it go now. Slowly, slowly losing it together with the false memory that I'm holding it. It's... sinking together with me. I was never holding it. I never did. I never will. Memories of my old self. My old life. My old thoughts. Why doesn't it float? I'm sinking, slowly into a place. A place a few only know or will ever know. A place where I belong. I resign. I give up. I'm embracing it. At the very bottom of everything.
Nothing. There's nothing left. And when everything's empty, I shall sink more deeply. I shall bleed eternally. I shall sleep. I shall embrace death... like a family.
A family I so longed to be with.