i always was that kind of person that have big dreams, goals for life nothing would scares me or stop me from achieving what i wanted . But now i can't step forward i can't move on too scared i can't even try, the fear is filling me and i became so helpless i have no control on this fear on that pain and hate inside of me i think i became a mean person i hate peaple now, i don't wanna have freinds i hate being surrounded by people i way prefer staying alone that to hang out with normal people i start believing i'm really a freak .
as days goes by i kind of force myself to see people to interact with them trying to have a normal life again. but it didn't work as i it supposed to be, i canit trust them, they seem to me so empty heartless not mean but like their living too easly i know its normal but i'm so used to pain and drama that a normal life seems impossible for me, some days i wake up and everything is okay in my life but my thoughts they are so dark so full of pain and those flashbacks in my head they are still there noway of getting them go away and it keeps eating me, killing making me feel so depresse so bad . so im still laying sometimes in bed wonderring how could this happen to me ? how can someone do this ? how can someone you loved made you feel this way ? he turned me into someone else , he broke everything inside of me , and i can't rebuilt it again , still trying but it way harder than i ever imagined