to start i will began with my story, what evrybody should know before reading anything i write or talk to me, i always loved writting it was where i hide when i had enough of life then i meet someone i though he was the one, i loved him from all my heart i gave him evrything a women can possibly give i dont know where i failed because i did not deserve what he did to me i m not even talking about cheating i would still be normal now it happens but what i had to live with all this time what i m still living with is from where i see it the worst thing ever !
he use to beat me, he beated me till i start bleeding and its not that, that make him stop its only when i scream to loud i scream for help i beg him to stop but he kept hitting me with his hands his legs and what ever is next to him i end up either at the hospital or in a corner of his house scared to death in tears and suicidal thoughts ! how could he do this to me ? what did i do ? i start thinking blaming evrything and evryone but him it was not believable for me i used to love him that hard yes ! he kept hitting when he was drunk stonned or only mad at me or at anything i was hes punching ball and i stayed with him i was blind, dumb, i though that one day he will stop that its going to change and stop being violent with me i was young he wasen't i though he would be my savior now i found out that i've got to be my own savior i gotta save my self from him ! i left him it was really hard even though his violence with me because i really loved him , i m still today afraid of him and from anyone else, he's probaly the cause for all the nights i stay awake and all my nightmares maybe i will never trust anyone anymore due to what happend with him i might stay alone for a long time or forever, i might keep hating him and myself each day a little bit more, and keep living with my heart full of pain,scares and hate, but now i know all of that as bad as it seems its way better for me than to stay with him i prefer to suffer alone than to suffer with him now you know i can't not tell that story cause its made of me what i am today so i prefer to write this first so all i could write after could be understood, i'm not a disturbed girl i just had a really bad experience ....
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