Dreams, they have been elusive all the time at least to me. I never really understood what they meant and why. The other day I saw a tiger lying on its belly, out of curiosity I too stretched myself on the ground next to the tiger on my belly and the tiger kept his paw on my back! I couldn’t wake up almost all the night, fearing that the tiger would eat me up if it gets disturbed. From that day to this day, I have shunned the bed and found recluse on the sofa. Sofa is just my size and I know for sure that there is place for just one of us- I or the tiger, so if I am on it the tiger doesn’t stand a chance. What a happiness to feel safe that I will not be eaten away by the tiger in my dreams.
For many years, for reasons I never really understood, I had weird dreams, mostly where I discover or people tell me something like a secret that they usually wouldn’t do in life. But the weirdest of all is that I see you many times without any logic. I vividly remember each of such dreams, be the twinkle in your eyes or the twitch of your brows, the fold your chin or that end to end grin. Somehow it feels so real and so overwhelming. Each of those dreams are so breathtaking, so peaceful and so everlasting that the impression remains in my head for almost a week. I had seen you even before I met you. The funny part is that as unreal as it may sound, you never felt like a stranger ever and I get swayed to find humor in whatever is related to you. You know the first thing that came to my mind, the moment I saw you was- “what will I do with my heels” and as stupid as it may sound I was consistently trying to figure out the inches of heel that I would be able to wear as long as you were around. The brief meeting and you were gone. Months later I couldn’t even figure out what went wrong and where. That evening of Diwali we had gone out and fed so many cows, deep in my heart I was hopeful and confident that the events will fly past well but there was scarry twist. I found it hard to relate to, but facts and facts and they are perhaps meant to hit you harder that you ever think off.
Somewhere in my heart I have conceded the fact that I am destined to grow old alone, I have accepted that not everything happens to everyone and it is perfectly alright. I try to get on life with business as usual, I try to annihilate those thoughts and emotions and make me feel sad lonely or incomplete. I have learnt that no matter what happens just keep breathing the day I wouldn’t have to wake up I will not, thereon the journey has been charted and sorted all I have to manage is till then. This too has a beautiful part to it. With no strings attached and no ambition sounding larger than life, deep sense of fulfillment and contentment has begun to shape within my soul. This helps me connect with the unknown more often. Least to say this triggers the tide of hope and happiness. The desire to meet and talk with the almighty, to discover the prophecies and learn the mortal truths kind of illuminates my being and cherishes the very existence.
This whirlwind is quite empowering. It has surely helped me distinguish and disassociate the reel from the real. Somehow I care less for the present and care more for the ability to look into my own eyes every night before I go off to sleep. There are a million questions that cross my mind almost every day and I feel so helpless not knowing how do I answer them. I draw analogy from the stories to eventually realize that each story is unique and there are no perfect fits not even close fits.
Having said and realized all of this, I still don’t know why off the blue, totally off track you appear in my thoughts so unconsciously and then I find it hard to ignore the strength of your presence. Some random days it gets so intense that it actually want to know if there is anything I can help you with. It sometimes happens with other friends of mine and the difference with them is that I have the privilege to call them up and ask them but with you it doesn’t really exist. I had tried to break in the ice and build a bridge during the short conversations that we had had but I guess they are all so meaningless now. If ever I had the honor to be candid I surely would want to know from you if I ever had infiltrated your thoughts, did a certain billboard, a message or an instance had ever reminded you of me? May be a sincere reply from your soul would go a long way in resolving my dilemma till then I got to keep believing that one day my dream shall show me the mirror and I shall discover the answer. Dreams are so illusionary aren’t they!