Picking on my weaker demons

Picking on my weaker demons...

Nah. They're not weak, they're strong. So strong to the point that when you pick on them, they'd give in.

It's not always what you see. The difference between inner us to what can be seen by the eye is that, it can always be so much more.

More powerful which leads to more regret.

It's not about being aware of the sins you'd do. Like for example if you'd kill innocence or not, or you'd literally kill a person or two.
It's not about "your choice" and "you decide" or everything by the moment but rather it's "it triggered" "I give in"

Fuck.

The last thing you'd know remember is, actually you won't forget any of it at all.
The last thing you'd know is that, you disappointed yourself.

Taking advantage of your weakness is not a very nice thing to do.
It won't be adrenaline rush but...

Blood rush.

And that shit will take it out of you.

Every single iniquities hiding in you soul.
All the past you've hidden for past years unleashed about.
Unknown traits you've always wished you never had...

Never trust a man.

...just go flying like a bird, waving like a banner at 4am.

Never trust a man.

Was all I could think about as I locked myself on the toilet.

Never trust a man.

Is swirling on my head as I gag the familiar liquid down the cubicle.

Never trust a man.

Is all I could think of as I find the worth he told me he sees deep within me.

Never trust a man.

Is what's keep popping on my mind as I washed my face repeatedly.

Never trust a man.

Is what I keep telling me as I sit on the tiled floor. As I wet the shirt with marks of sin from what has been done earlier. As I forget the drama on my face. As I drown my ego on the pail. He might've not known but...

It was my first time.

Not my first time riding or what. Not my first time purring or something. But it was my first having that thing.

I wasn't crying really but tears been falling down. Why? I liked it though, or did I?

I cannot blame him as much as I cannot blame myself for what had happened before the sun breaks. I cannot blame him because it's 4am. And when it's 4am, it's not us in control, it's the demons taking over.

But we're aware of the demons taking over.
Or rather it is us, we're the demons taking over.
Hiding this kind of trait when the sun is up.
Wearing white linen and cloths of purity when everyone is bad.

The saddest part is, we did it too late. We did it when the morning is already crawling on our skin. And when the morning crawls, the demons disappear.

And that's when it was finished that we realized.

"Shit, what have we done?"

Because right after 4am, we saw the glory outside the light, when leaves are green and sky is blue. It's neither gray nor black than what we've seen when we're still on the process of fucking our fall.

The fall that will lead us outside the grace, far from what we've been taught about. Far from where we grew up. Far from what we hear every sunday.

It was a bubble, nope a balloon
And It's a simple job to do
Kind of we don't need to ask if I should or not
Because my inner demons are wanting to do so
So yeah, it's a balloon so blew it nice
And it exploded without me having an idea
And when it's done, we let the "aah" thing do the talking
And regretted it by the morning.