Priorities

I will never be the first on his list.

Second Priority

That's where I place in his list.  Always next to whatever he places first. But I will never be the first one. Never going to be the first one.

I guess it's hard to put someone temporary at that very spot.

I waited for you to call me everynight. You never did. You told me that you need to study first because it's for the best. Even a single text wouldn't hurt.

We were supposed to go home together on our 3rd monthsary. You promised you'd take me home the whole week. But you told me that your guy friends' girlfriends' don't really do such things and that you have something to do first. I considered. I asked you again hoping you'd reconsider taking me home. You never did.

I waited for you on our 23rd date as official couples during our 7th monthsary. You didn't come, you didn't even texted. You called me 2 hours later that you were going at your friends house first and that you forgot to tell me earlier. You hanged up the phone. You didn't even hear me out. You didn't ask. I waited. You never did.

We're finally dating for a year. I dressed. I went to the restaurant you told me we should celebrate. I waited - again. But this time.. I waited with confidence. You told your friends that you have to celebrate this day with me - FIRST. Told your parents that you'd meet me - FIRST. Told yourself that you'd come with me - FIRST before anything else today.

But...... your Aly, your bestfriend called. You said she's heartbroken and that she needs someone to talk to. You were restlessly cursing and moving on your chair, preparing to leave while talking to a girl on the other line.

You said you have to leave. My insides screamed. Unfortunately, my insides and my outsides are on par today.

'You told me I was the first priority today. Told everyone that I am the first one today. Told me that I am the first today. But what? You have to leave?' 

You look at me and tried to reason out. You even gave me scenarios of what are the possible things brokenhearted girls usually do.

I stared at you. You were talking too fast. Making excuses - in a hurry. You care too much for the broken girl on the other line while you can't even see and don't even care for the broken girl in front of you.

"Look, Liz, I love you.. You know that. But Aly is brokenhearted. She's my bestfriend - she's top priority today........"

My mind went blank. All it took was that one word to change my mind.

I love you too. But I can't keep on loving you this way.

How can I value my self worth if I love you too much that you're always at the top of my list, when you can't even do the same for me even just for once?

I know. If you love the person then you would have to understand and accept them, but it's not always like that. I can't be a martyr without a receiving end. There's a limit to how a person can give.

Too much is more than enough.

I finally became first on his list, but I will never be his top priotity.