Do you remember when you said you can't? That you can't respond to my feelings yet. That you haven't found yourself just yet. That you're still looking for your place here on Earth. On that forbidding night, you were telling me how lost of a person you are.
I don't remember how exactly I started loving you. It's definitely not because of how you flip your hair nor how you stood and stare. Was it because you were that bookish and reserved person? Or was it because you've always been made up of paradox? Still, unstill. I can only remember growing fond of you. Suddenly taking interest in your life; what you like, what you dislike. I tried knowing you and I thought I was getting there. You love the sky, the stars. You once told me that you wanted people to always remember that there's a beauty just above them, probably waiting to be looked at, to be seen. That when the world has gone so black, the stars are there just above, still shining, probably for us. I have always loved that idea. I also learned about how you are very affectionate to children and the olds. We talked about life at 3 in the morning, spoke about our dreams at 3 in the afternoon. You constantly told me that there's a big bad world outside. I just thought, "You're right," even thought of telling you that you have me. Felt so foolish after realizing that you were actually saying that you have to go out there alone, despite the circumstances. Found out that you were telling me how lost you are, and that you were still in that pace and phase where you got to find your own place here; not with me, not with my help. What a paradox you are.
Going back to that night, I also remember you telling me that I am a lost boy, too. That it would be better for us two, to find our own places. "Wouldn't it be nicer if we find our places first then share it with each other?" you even laughed while stating these words. After that conversation, it dawned on me that you were right. I was still a lost boy.
By now, you're probably still looking for yourself, or hopefully, you already found your place on Earth. I would constantly look back to those times when we were still together. The days that followed were tough for me. I was a crippled boy, trying to stand up again. But I wasn't able to recover fast, losing you in that passing time. If someone had just told me how losing you was gonna make me feel, I wouldn't have had confessed. But then, it already happened. Since then, I've let go of you. We've lost that teenage solace, that comfort with each other.
It is stupid of me to have these high hopes. To still think that somehow, we would cross each other's path. I already found myself, yet, I am lost here, so I am constantly wandering through different roads, hoping that the next drive would take me to you. And if by now, you are also wandering somewhere, I hope that this big bad world will arrange the roads, so that in somewhere, we could probably meet each other.
One who still remembers our probably's, L.