Remembering August

"...and I never looked back."

That's what I told Jennie Kim last April this year during her visit on my birthday.

..because if I did look back, I think I couldn't make it and I can't move on.

Being a part of Girls' Generation for seven years is where I felt most alive and the sad reality of not being there until now, buckled me to my knees.

I love the Kpop industry because if I hadn't loved it too much, I wouldn't train for seven years and four months, I think, and push myself to my limits.

If I hadn't loved the industry, I wouldn't cry so hard when I left.

"So, unni, don't you like, miss them? Miss even one of the members? I guess you're close with Yoona-unni and even Tiffany-unni."

"That's what I know when, er, you're still with them," she added when I didn't answer her question.

I am.

I am particularly so close with Yoona and Tiffany, and honestly, I miss them both.

Looking back, she's very supportive of me along with Tiffany when I was just launching Blanc & Eclare.

I was met with doubts by the rest of the members during the launching but Yoona and Tiffany believed in me.

Well, are they real or are they just faking it?

But, Yoona, she's one of the most sincere people I've ever known, and to think of her as a fake one is so far-fetched.

To Tiffany, she knew how hard it is to start something without receiving so much support since she migrated all alone from California to Seoul just to pursue singing knowing her father was against it, so she understands me so well about starting the business.

I sensed that Jennie still wanted to hear me answer her question and so I did.

"I miss them. Really. But are they missing me the way I missed them? Pathetic, isn't it?"

I took Jennie by surprise. She gulped.

Given a chance to travel back in time, I would still launch Blanc & Eclare but maybe, I would make it clear to them that being a member of Girls' Generation is still my priority.

I probably would also make my time management be on point because I'm almost, if not all, late in all our activities since starting the business.

My, being late is where they'd said enough for me as a member.

They said it is enough proof that I can't manage and juggle my time wisely between Blanc & Eclare and Girls' Generation.

I'm sorry for those moments I missed practices and rehearsals, though but if they loved me and knew me well, wouldn't they consider it? Wouldn't they see it in me that I loved Girls' Generation so much, I'd like to die old with them?

Yet, I know, there weren't time machines to help me travel back in time to fix everything.

All I had is to move on fairly well with what has already happened.

I have my faults and they have it, too but, if we had just navigated through it, wouldn't it be wonderful?

I've seen posts from fans saying they love Girls' Generation as nine until now.

I love it, too but are the eight members going to love it too? If I'm there?

And, by the way, today's August 01.

..and it's Tiffany's birthday.

I would like to greet her but--

Happy birthday, Fany. May you have more birthdays to come and take good care of yourself always, I whispered.

Oh, I realized that I still have to go and prepare for a taping for another "Sisters Who Make Wave 3" episode.

The truth is, I, Jessica Jung, is about to debut as a pop idol in China this August, which I loved.

But, being a Kpop star with Girls' Generation probably is one of the best moments in my life.

Just then, as if by magic, with my earphones plugged in my ears, I heard, our song, Girls' Generation's Into the New World cued in.

I didn't realize my eyes are suddenly welled up with tears.

Into the New World, that's our debut song way back on August 3, 2007.

And yes, Girls' Generation is about to release a comeback album this August 5, 2022.

Perhaps, sometimes in life, things aren't just meant to be.