I still did not know where I was.
My phone was dead. The battery had died long ago. But it hardly bothered me. I kept walking.
Barely in the back of my mind in remembered that I had school tomorrow. I didn't care. I wouldn't go.
He wouldn't go away. Adriano. I had let go of his annoying presence long ago. I wish I had a watch though. It must have been well past midnight because it felt like I had been walking for at least 5 hours. My legs were burning and my hair was windswept. My tears had dried back long ago.
You betrayed me!! Liar! Liar! Coward!
I don't know what you're talking about.
You're gonna leave me aren't you?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I can't understand. I can't read you. I don't know what you're thinking!!
You were the one at fault. You helped in all of this, Cal.
Don't call me that!!!
You don't know what you're talking about, Cal.
And you don't know me any more.
Screams all over.....
I collapsed on the footpath and sagged under the dark sky. I'd let the memory get to me again. I'd let them get in again. I'd promised myself I wouldn't let that happen. I deserved better.
I knew better. I should have been the better person.
My eyes closed and I buried my face in my hands and breathed in. I was a coward. I should have forgotten all about it by now.
My mind was slowly returning and so were my senses. I was too proud to call out to him. After all, he was also wasting his time on me.
But after all what he'd said, I didn't feel like apologising. Why should I? He didn't know anything. Hadn't gone through even a fraction of what I'd gone through.
My eyes were drooping and I struggled to fight it off.
No! I told myself. You can't let go of your own sense of security! What if he wasn't here?
But even as I was telling myself this, I felt my consciousness slowly ebbing out of me. Without another thought I dropped....I was going to be in trouble....
In the back of my mind I think I saw him get out of his car and carry me to the back seat as he lay me down.
'Why?' I felt myself murmur.
'Because it was the right thing to do.' He murmured back.
I think I whispered my address after that, because when I woke up the next day I was in my bed, carefully tucked in in the winter night.
'What's wrong with you?' Bhash asked incredulously the next morning. Despite what I'd thought, I'd decided against it.
Not going to school would be showing vulnerability and weakness. Like a coward.
What had happened the day before was only between me and him. As part of our bargain, he had upheld his promise. I hadn't heard anybody call me such things behind my back.
At least he could be trusted for that.
I hadn't seen him since morning when I'd arrived late in the morning. I had yet to ask him how he'd gotten into my house without me knowing.
He'd seen. He'd likely noticed why I never had visitors or never called friends to my house. But if he had he hadn't commented on that yet either.
I was safe. For now.
I wonder what would happen after all of this mess had been settled.
'If you say drunk or sleepy, I'm going to kill you.' I said.
She smirked.
'Well.' she replied. 'I was going to say tired but you seemed to have beat me to it.'
I nodded. She looked at me seriously.
'I never asked you about yesterday. What happened there? Anything worth calling serious?'
Yes. All of it was terribly serious.
'Nah.' I said. 'She gave me a maddening speech and then I lost it and went home.'
She mouthed an oh and linked her arm through mine.
'Heard about today?'
'No.'
'A kid insulted you and Ben is gonna beat him up.'
I looked at her sharply. Suddenly Adriano's words were echoing in my head too vividly.
You're a bully. You beat them all up. You don't know what's right and what's wrong. You don't care.
But what about what people think about me?
You're a bully. And reputation is all that matters.
I am?
Yes. A voice replied. Yes you are.
I had been a while since someone had insulted me and it was always either me or Ben who beat the person up when they went out of hand. But what had made this person insult me? Why isn't that suddenly a very pressing issue to me?
'When?' I asked.
'About time. It's gonna be break. Then we can watch the fun.'
Fun...
Yes it could be fun for me. Why doesn't it seem so appealing suddenly?
Either I stop it or I initiate it. But I can't let go.....
I won't take part. But I'll have to be there. Or everything will go downhill. Everything will be hell for me.
'Where'd you go?' Bhash said, waving her hands in front of my face.
'Right here, gal.' I replied. 'Let's go watch. C'mon.'
She nodded and I walked through the corridor. If Ben was to beat this person up then it had to be the school grounds. He'd drag him there and beat him up bloody.
Why did it make me cringe?
On the way I spotted Adriano again. Manning the corridors, and he looked straight at me. Did he know what was about to happen despite our fight yesterday?
He opened his mouth to tell me something but I averted my eyes and kept walking on. In the correct way this time. Bhash didn't notice.
Bully. My mind echoed the word again and again.
It had never felt more heavier in my life.
'Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!' The crowd cheered. I was standing in the front row and somehow willing my face into passive boredom. Even maybe, managing a smile. A smirk.
I hated myself for it. But at least I had to show them what I was. Or I was a target again.
Ben looked at me though his long unkempt hair and I managed another nod. It was a boy this time. A class lower than me. Ben had heard him call me a loser. Poor kid. He must have been talking to his friend when he had passed.
And now he was to suffer. It was like watching in an arena. I felt tight, squeezed. But this was where I was meant to be, wasn't it?
Thwak!
Punch...
Blood...
Crying, pleading.
Don't leave me, Amy. Don't leave me.
Shut up Cal.
Please don't do this. You were everything to me. You helped me. You love me.
I loved you Cal.
I slipped to the present and mentally cursed myself for letting it happen again even as the ghost of tears prickled at my eyes. This was twice now the flashbacks had happened.
Twice as much as the normal days.
Cheering all over as the boy fell to the ground. Everyone was laughing. It was so disgusting suddenly. So cruel. So.....
I opened my mouth until-
Until he came.
His eyes were wide as he saw the whole scene. Disgust and hatred and even fear on his face as he scanned the crowd.
And his eyes landed on me. At the front with my mouth open.
It was just as much proof he needed. As if even I was laughing.
His mouth curled into a tight line as he surveyed me with cold, unrelenting fury. It scared me.
I thought you knew better, his eyes seemed to scream as he hauled the boy up pushing aside Ben and pause to look at him.
Ben was breathing raggedly and stared at Adriano. Tight silence. Dangerous silence.
Then Adriano showed one finger at Ben and disappeared with the victim.
The crowd started to disperse with sighs and faint exclamations of how they might have loved to watch more. I felt like puking. More blood. More violence. More betrayals and more cruelty.
It was all the same......
(This was just a small scene. I plan to make it bigger in the next one!!! Hoped you liked it!!)
©AkshayaGadre