I had been in misery for a couple of weeks, seeing how the condition has gotten worse--and real.
I have known for many years that genetics would bring about such misfortune in my life, but it was only recently that I had to face its reality.
It was difficult.
It was terrible to know that my life will absolutely be different from many, and definitely far from what I had in mind. Upon the knowledge that I had the condition, I spent every night crying to bed, and I tried to console myself by convincing myself to be alright with the changes. I knew that I just have to change my vision. I knew I have to be independent and to take better care of myself--'cause after all, it would be just me and myself until the end.
But again, it was difficult.
I had to break it to people I wasn't comfortable breaking it to, 'cause I needed them to stop pursuing me.
I would wake up, get busy at work, and fall into the same abyss every night. I couldn't live like this. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. But I can't escape from myself, and there's no cure to this condition. There's just no way to get away from this.
I felt trapped. And useless. And ugly.
But I accidentally ran into a post from a complete stranger who had the same condition. I didn't know that there's liberty in finding an ally. When I saw that she could live--and LOVE--herself despite it all, I just knew that I could and should do the same. This situation may be beyond me, but what's within my control I should take over.
So from now on, from this day onwards, no matter if it gets better or worse,
I will be happy.